From the blog of Nancy Hudgins
Mediators strive to be neutral, or as Ken Cloke so eloquently puts it, “omni-partial.”
But mediators are human, too.
If you come to mediations prepared, respectful and open-minded, you will go a long way towards gaining the mediator’s respect. Should that make a difference? No. Will it make a difference? No guarantees, but it might just be worth your while.
Here’s why. Years ago, as a young lawyer, I was selected as a juror in a criminal case. I think I was left on the jury because I was so young. (The lawyers figured I didn’t know enough do any harm in the jury room. Turns out, they were right.)
I learned an enormously important lesson during my jury service. I liked the prosecutor. I didn’t like the defense attorneys. It should not have had an influence in my decision-making about the case. But it did. That’s when I realized that as a trial lawyer, I wanted to be the nicest person in the courtroom.
The same holds true for mediations. As I lawyer representing a client, I want to be the nicest lawyer at the mediation. Why? Because I am more likely to persuade…not only the other side, but the mediator, too.
Robert Cialdini, a social psychologist at Arizona State University, has written the definitive book on persuasion which includes a chapter on likeability called Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. It includes a chapter on likeability.
I’ve written prior posts on likeability here and here.
At your next mediation, try being likeable. Let me know the result.
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