Michael Beltran, Sunnyvale Ca 12/10/12
The Road to Happiness
Thank you, I believe you cored the apple, putting the children first is everything.Parents need to be aware and never lose focus of the PRIZE
Marykate , Hughesville MD 11/12/11
3rd Party Parenting Plan
I am meeting with a mediator (court ordered) to develop a Parenting Plan for my 6yr old great nephew. I have sole physical & legal custody, he has lived with me all his life, his parents are divorced. His parents have court ordered SUPERVISED visitation. How do I begin to develop a parenting plan? Dad lives on a boat & mom is in a halfway house after drug rehab. They don't exercise their SUPERVISED visitation because they don't want to see me. They are NOT rational. HELP
Lisa , Newark NJ 03/28/11
Thanks for this article. I'm in the Dissolved Duo category. Unfortunately, my ex sued me for custody of our infant out of revenge. Due to a court technicality, he was able to get full custody. I got two weekends a month. I was still breastfeeding at the time. Things got so bad that I decided to terminate my parental rights after a three year battle. I miss my son terribly but I would rather him go on without me than have to go through that for the rest of his life. It's so hard I've considered suicide. I think full custody for either parent is a form of child abuse.
Keli , Holland MN 01/30/10
WOW,this article was so great I could have kept reading if there was more. I am currently going through a very horrible experience with a custody battle and I feel as though I try and try to communicate with my ex-husband( which he is not yet because we cannot come to an agreement). We have been seperated for almost a year and a half and everyday has been a struggle for us to communicate, I am starting Co-Parenting classes because all I want is whats best for our daughter. Thankyou soooo much for all of the information because it was so nice to read and very helpful and inspirtational to be a BETTER PARENT.
Amber , Laguna NM 03/04/09
Thank you so much for this great article! I work with families who may not have been married, but who are separating and I see the tremendous effect on the children. This article gives me a way to explain the process of separating to parents and families. It also incorporates how important it is to think about the child's needs in the midst of all the hurt and angry feelings.
erik , Paris 01/22/09
More and more people are looking to parent a child but due to circumstance are unable to go about it the conventional way. Co-parents.net aims to help you find your perfect co-parenting match. Whether this be as a donor only role or as an active co-parent; Co-parents.net is perfect for males and females, gay or straight, singled or couples who are searching for a donor or a co-parent.
Patricia , Sacramento CA Pat4Hrizn@aol.com 04/04/05
My experience with divorce mediation has come full circle. I experienced mediation during my divorce on Ocean Street in Santa Cruz in 1999. It was one of the most freightening experiences of my life. But the mediator was able to calm that stormy sea. It impressed me so much, and I admired her so much, that I hoped I would also have that same opportunity to bring the same calm to someone else. I now am a mediator with Sacramento Superior Court. I mediate and do child custody evaluations every day. It is a great journey - life.
SHERYL , Inglewood CA 03/01/05
Reading this information has helped me alot. I have discovered my place in all of this & appreciate the suggestions mentioned. Thank you for this...I'm so excited about being at peace with a bad situation that I may enter a communication class that will help me move forward instead of staying on the same issues.
Again I extend my thanks.
calvin , calgary al 08/21/04
I like it,it is a answer to prayer,thank you,i as well would like to know the effects of a re-marriage partner would have as well as raising children in diffret locations,like diffrent countrys,thank you for your time and tallent.
Debbie Davis, College Station TX email@example.com 08/10/04
I guess I am lucker then most people, when I divorced my ex-husband we sat down and discuss the kids and we agreed the the kids would always come first. All 3 of my children are great kids, they complete high school and attended college. All the the support of my ex and me. I enjoy the report it is very true and there are some great obversations. I would like to mention one thing. I also went to my mother-in-law when we separted and sat down and talked to her, I explained to her that even though I was divorcing her son I was not divorcing her. That I loved her and would never keep the kids from her. She died a couple of years ago and she told me that it had ment the world to her when I came over and told her that and I followed through. She was in her grandchildrens life every step of the way. It was the greated decision I had every made. I hope other people remember more then the children are involved and hurt. Thanks,
Michael , Santa Cruz CA Michael@MichaelScott-Therapy.com 03/04/04
Teresa, Thank you for comments. I am grateful that the article was helpful. Michael Scott
Teresa , Chattanooga TN 02/08/04
Great article! This is the first time I've read a logical explanation that addresses the stages of detachment from marital relationship and it's effects on shared parenting styles, not necessarily the problems the couple encountered during the marriage as being the reason for the continuing anger.This finally explains for me what I've never been able to understand;Why even though I was the "wronged" partner, I quit being angry long ago but why Ex still is, and for what reason. Others have often commented "what's wrong with this picture!"; I didn't realize the correlation w/my detachment having begun with my seeking our counciling, as opposed to his not possibly having begun until after recieving the papers.Thanks for addressing why & how a parent at one stage can educate themselves in minimizing the conflict effectively while waiting for time to work it's majic for the other.
Deborah , Nevada City CA 95959 CA 02/02/04
As a licensed day care provider, this article has been extremely helpful to me and the parents I serve who are learning how to successfully co-parent. Please write a follow-up article on how it is for children to have to cope with two different homes, different schedules, lifestyles, different bed times, etc as they go back and forth between parent's homes. One early childhood educator refers to these children as the "wandering, homeless" who cannot get rooted anywhere.
Another issue I observe with kids is how they can play off one parent against the other if they, the children, are going back and forth from one household to the other.
Consistent discipline and standards of behavior can lapse as the parent of the week is reluctant to enforce the "rules" since they only have the kids for a limited time.
Some parents choose to have the kids in one home and let the parents rotate in and out.
The whole thing just seems so exhausting and transient. Your comments would be appreciated.
Michael Scott, Santa Cruz CA 01/08/04
Thank you Jennifer. I obviously agree with you. I would even suggest that the term "Legal Custody" be modified to "Parental Obligations and Responsibilities." Thank your for taking the time to review my article and offer your comment.
Jennifer Beck, Corvallis OR exceptionaldestiny.com 01/08/04
Parent Coach Agrees
I have 18 years of experience in social work and am now a parent coach. Your article on Co-parenting is very insightful and brings up many great points, especially using collaborative language. In coaching we call this the vocabulary of hope...and I love terminating the words "custody and visitation" by changing it to PARENTING PLAN as you suggest. This brings back the humanity in sharing the parenting of the children, helping us think again...we are more than custodians and visitors.
Tami , Newnan GA 10/26/03
Your arguments are thoughtful, logical and valid. I just wish the judges in GA saw it your way..they choose not to enforce visitation rights of fathers. Here, CS guidelines are all important and grossly overburden the CP. Even if visitation is denied by CP, most NCP's never get much of a modification and the CP never suffers from the contempt. We need to debunk the deadbeat dad myth also. Fathers want to spend time with their children, not just be walking wallets.
Michael , Santa Cruz CA 09/20/03
Response to Shelli
Shelli, Your comment regarding co-parenting is valid. So too the issue of remarriage or blending a family. And thank you for the thought which is a good idea for another article. I will begin working on it.
Michael Scott, Santa Cruz CA 09/20/03
Response to Kelly
Thank you for your comments. I agree. It could have been broken down perhaps to three articles.
Shelli , Las Vegas NV 09/20/03
Putting the child first and doing all that is necessary to do so is a full time job. You will find that the relationship and communication that is required to co-parent successfully between you and your ex- spouse is one you will wish you had developed prior to separation. Re-marriage only complicates this process. Expand on the negative effects of re-marriage.
kelly , boston ma 07/26/03
i really liked this article. it is a bit long, but has some sound information. i think it could be broken up into a few shorter, more managable articles...it might be more effective.