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Do Mediators Actually Hire Mediators?

I’ve heard some mediators complain that… other mediators they know refuse to hire a mediator when they are in conflict themselves.

A sad state of affairs if you ask me. If you do not believe in what you are doing and the efficacy and value of the service — don’t do it. If you wouldn’t hire a mediator yourself, what business do you have mediating others’ disputes?

Of course, I must confess I have not yet hired a mediator (I have been really close a few times). I have worked with a mediator (who worked on a pro bono basis). I prefer to first ask myself all the difficult questions, use direct intervention and practice my own skill… and when that fails, get someone involved. So, I qualify my confession with the fact that it has not been necessary to hire a mediator to date.

However, this may all be changing…

I was happy to see that fellow mediator, Diane Levin, suggests that we mediators might need another mediator to help us with our raging football rivalry!

Is it true that even mediators throw out “fighting words?”

Healthy conflict, they say, is good for us. What do you think about this:

“Kristina’s thrown down the gauntlet”

“The Chargers are going down in flames, baby!” (see comment on my blog post below)…

Would a mediator say such things? Indeed she would and she has.

Although, the go down in flames comment was couched in a “desire to say” but I’m not really going to say what I want to say, so I’ll say, “let the best team win.”

Diane, we love you, but you’re not fooling anyone!

Thems fighting words!

Go Chargers, knock those Pats off their undeserving throne! May the Underdogs come up big!

Do you think that our mediator friends would say that we are “engaging in conflict” appropriately? Or is it alls fair in love and war?

I see this as a conflict that has no good ending. There will be a clear winner and a clear loser. Odds are against my Underdog Chargers. There’s no win/win option here.

We will succeed in “managing” this conflict but “resolution?”

Like good mediators we will forgive and our conflict will make our bond stronger! Mediation really is amazing, isn’t it?

Go Chargers!


Kristina Haymes

Kristina R. Haymes is a mediator of litigated and non-litigated cases.  She has successfully assisted parties in resolving employment, real estate, commercial and family business & estate disputes. MORE >

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