Find Mediators Near You:

Four Ways to Sidestep Conflict and Enjoy Your Holidays

If the thought of enduring a meal—let alone an entire weekend—with your family or in-laws has you tensing up then you might want to keep reading.

While I have previously written about how to manage conflict and I make a living off helping people do this, the irony is not lost on me that I am now writing an article about how to seemingly avoid conflict. There is an important distinction with my offering though, as I am not suggesting you sweep all irritations under the rug as they occur but rather consciously determine in advance how you might manage annoyances or being upset.

When your interaction with someone is infrequent and limited then sidestepping the conflict can be a very reasonable course of action. Avoiding conflict with someone you see regularly or work closely with is a different story. So if your brother’s wife likes to have a go at you but you only need to make it through two hours, or your uncle’s incessant need to control conversations drives you a little wild; then consider thinking of things a little differently before you arrive.

As a mediator, here are my four tips to help you shift your perspective and enjoy yourself more:

1.    Anticipate and prepare

Assume that you will likely hear something you disagree with or that triggers you. This way if it happens you are far less likely to react or over react.

2.    Consider your role

Think about past incidents and consider how you have contributed to the strained relationship. I will admit that I have not always brought my best self to the table so to speak.

3.    Focus on the positive

Think of at least one positive quality that the other person has. Maybe they are great with kids, good at their job, have good taste in wine or help with dishes–everyone has some redeeming quality and it can be very helpful to focus on that.

4.    Try something different

Ask yourself, what is one small change you could make today that might improve the dynamic. Or you could also just act as if you like the other person. Who knows you just might be able to.

 If you are like most people and have a full calendar, then why not see what you can do to enjoy your downtime more. I just would not recommend suggesting these four tips to the other person. Some things are best left unsaid.

                        author

Amy Robertson

Amy Robertson is a sought-after and experienced mediator who has designed and delivered mediation training for mediators and lawyers across Canada on her client-centered approach to family mediation. Amy has successfully mediated over 900 mediations and her approach was developed to minimize the cost and time it takes for her… MORE >

Featured Members

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

Aragaki – The Dao of Friendly Skies

Indisputably Guest post by Hiro AragakiFOI Hiro Aragaki (Loyola-LA) provides his thoughts on last week’s United Airlines debacle. In the past week the Internet went ablaze with news reports of...

By Art Hinshaw
Category

The Power of the Unexpected Question

Kluwer Mediation BlogA week or so ago, on the train from Edinburgh to London, we were joined – across the table – by two women who got on at York....

By Ian MacDuff
Category

2009 Developments In Mediation: Mediation Confidentiality

From the Disputing Blog of Karl Bayer, Victoria VanBuren, and Holly Hayes. Our August post on the “bad faith” mediation section of Texas House Bill 2256 (read more about the...

By Holly Hayes
×