How to Ask for Help: Get into the Divorce Talk Comfort Zone

Divorce Detox blog by Andra Brosh

 This is Part One of the “How to Ask for Help” series. It will get you comfortable enough with yourself and others to ask for help. Once you’re in the zone, you’ve won half the battle. Actually, equally key in the process is helping those you are asking for help get comfortable and receptive to your needs.

Ignorance is NOT Bliss
If there ever was a time to turn to your loved ones for support, this is it. Dealing with friends and relatives at this time in your life may be the hardest part of the process. If you understand that most inappropriate responses stem from ignorance, you can help by first educating your support system.

Acceptance
Before you do this though, you need to accept that you are not superhuman and you do need help every now and then and maybe more often right now. We’d like to be able to handle it all: work, kids, home, errands, finances, lawyers, therapists, family, friends, in-laws, out-laws.

Breathe
Take a deep breath and repeat after me: “I am human. Most of the time I am strong, but there’s nothing wrong with a little help getting to a better place.” Turn the tables. Remember how privileged you feel when someone turns to you for help. You will return the favor one day.

The Naysayers
You will run into a few folks who are less than enthusiastic about your need for help. Just do the equivalent of imagining the audience in their underwear. Imagine that their own domestic situation may not be as fulfilling as they make it out to seem. You know, the old “whoever smelt it dealt it,” or, “I know you are, but what am I”? The big “D” word might be a little too close for comfort.

Help Them Help You
On the whole, people are more than happy to help but usually need some direction. That’s where you step in and hold their hand through the process of helping you.
Stay tuned for the next part of our 2-part “How to Ask for Help” blog series entitled “4 Steps to Getting the Help You Need.”

                       

Andra Brosh

Relationship Coach, Allison Pescosolido, M.A., specializes in relationships, marriage, divorce, separation, and dating in the Los Angeles area and nationwide. MORE >