Impatience can be a big contributor to conflict, and an obstacle to effective conflict resolution. I started writing a post about this impatience/conflict connection long before so many of us were stuck at home, working or not, impatiently wondering when we’ll ever be set free.
We are all under stress
We are all under tremendous stress, which can lead to outbursts with co-workers, or even with those we love. We are deprived of so much, that we can want immediate gratifications or quick solutions. Many of us find it challenging to be at home full time instead of going off to work and having space from family concerns. Others of us are courageously going to work in dangerous situations, worried we will bring the illness home to our loved ones.
Even working from home feels different
I have worked out of a home office for years, seeing clients, consulting, and delivering some trainings by Zoom. but I am still deeply affected by all the changes.
I wish I had a HazMat suit to put on before I go to the grocery store. I miss going to the gym and out to eat. I miss seeing my friends live and in person. I get frustrated and fearful, trying to sterilize everything before bringing it into the house. I love my wife but our house feels way too small at times. Other times I feel like I’m four years old and I want to hide under the covers from a scary and treacherous world.
Conflict Resolution requires patience
In these difficult circumstances, it is, of course, helpful to be willing to listen, to speak our truth, and to problem-solve at work and with family, but it is challenging not to be impatient with others about that process as well! We may irritably want them to quickly get to the point.
One truth I know–trying to hurry and force solutions simply doesn’t work to heal disagreements. Avoiding conflicts or resolving them effectively requires patience, even when it feels in short supply (along with toilet paper). Why? People need time to process, to let things sink in, to work through their resentments and other feelings.
Impatient Services Director
For a while, I was tracking all the kinds of jobs that ask people to have conflict management skills on the big job search site, Indeed. One job opening had the (misspelled) title of “Impatient Services Director”. I laughed so hard, because I was certainly qualified for that position! For me, it is life-long work to become more patient.
So no matter what your current circumstances, how can you find more patience and have less conflict?
Here are a few suggestions to help you be patient with yourself and others:
"This article originally appeared in the April 1999 issue of Consensus, a newspaper published jointly by the Consensus Building Institute and the MIT-Harvard Public Disputes Program."In a multistakeholder public dispute,...By Jennifer Thomas-Larmer
Background It was during late March 2020, soon after the pandemic first made global headlines, that a group of leading mediators and mediation trainers realized on a Zoom call that the ONLY...By Forrest (Woody) Mosten, James Melamed, J.D.
From John DeGroote's Settlement PerspectivesAs we have discussed before, the best way to spend less on litigation is to have less litigation. Yes, sometimes it is better to litigate, and...By John DeGroote