The Aim of Argument

It seems that sometimes when we begin to have an argument with someone the focus isn’t on moving things forward. We might find ourselves getting stuck in blame, spending time asserting our perspective, disagreeing on the ‘right’ outcome, becoming angrier and resentful, and demonstrating other destructive reactions that keep us from progressing in constructive ways.

Emotions get the best of us the more we argue to be right and make the other person wrong! Once that happens and our amygdala is hijacked, reasoning and problem-solving get lost. Restoring the relationship, regaining equilibrium and resolving matters no longer fit into the dynamic. The aim of argument, as in the quote that heads this blog, doesn’t have any chance at these times.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider an argument you are currently involved in or recently have been in as you answer these questions:

• What’s the argument about?
• What were you thinking about as things ramped up?
• What three words describe your reactions?
• What is/was your aim in this altercation?
• What is/was the other person’s version of the argument?
• What is/was the other person’s aim?
• What did you observe and hear about their reactions?
• Where do you two differ most in your perspectives? Where is there common ground?
• What specifically impeded your progress in resolving the argument other than what you may have considered already? What impeded the other person from progressing other than what you might have considered so far?
• What do you need to do or say to facilitate progress?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

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Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE >