Search Mediators Near You:

Who Are You When You’re in Conflict?

From the Conflict Mastery blog by Cinnie Noble

It happens sometimes that we lose track of ourselves when in conflict. We may find we turn into someone who doesn’t even resemble who we usually are and how we interact. We may become an angry parent, a petulant child, a dogmatic teacher, a judge or other personas that reflect a different somebody than we want to be.

Our changing personality – if and when it appears – may emerge because we are overly stressed and upset, hurt, frightened, overwhelmed, not getting our point across, or not getting what we want. At these times we may default to bad habits we have tried to change or ones we use to get our way. Whatever propels us to act and communicate in ways that seem surreal, we know at some level of awareness we have stepped out of ourselves. We might say to ourselves, “I just heard someone say such hurtful things and I think the words came out of my mouth!”

This week’s blog invites readers to consider who you want to be when in conflict and who you become – if you lose track of yourself.

  • Who are you when in conflict that reflects the person you don’t want to be?
  • What motivates you to be that person?
  • How do you experience your being at these times?
  • Under what circumstances are you the person you don’t want to be?
  • Who are you when in conflict that reflects the person you want to be?
  • What motivates you to be so?
  • How do you experience your being at these times?
  • Under what circumstances are you the person you want to be when in conflict?
  • What power do you lose when you are not the person you don’t want to be?
  • What does that mean for the conflict (your answer to the last question)?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

                        author

Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

The art of persuasion: negotiation advice for women

What difference does gender make in negotiation? Although both men and women in business strive to be leaders at the negotiation table, there are potential traps that women need to...

By Diane J. Levin
Category

Overcoming Impasse in Mediation: A Short Literature Review

At each national ADR conference, mediators flock to the programs on overcoming impasse in mediation. The conference planners never schedule these sessions in big enough rooms. So, practitioners find themselves...

By Paula Young
Category

Should Mandatory Arbitration Be Regulated?

Health Care Neutral ADR Blog by Richard Webb"Mandatory arbitration" provisions have come under harsh criticism in recent years. (Since all pre-dispute agreements to arbitrate are "mandatory," it would be more...

By Richard J. Webb

Find a Mediator