In the midst of today’s global political climate, it’s becoming clear where we are headed and what our world is changing into. The issues within our political landscape are apparent no matter where you are—whether in the United States, the Middle East, Europe, or East Africa, South Asia —or what political ideology you follow. Whether you’re far-right, far-left, liberal, conservative, moderate, or progressive, many of us can agree on one thing: we’re on a concerning path. Despite our differences, the common thread seems to be that none of us are satisfied with the direction we’re going, yet we struggle to understand what’s truly at stake and why we can’t come together to solve it.
So, why can’t we? Why is it so difficult for us to reach across the aisle, engage with opposing viewpoints, and solve the problems that we all agree exist?
Many would say, and I agree to some extent, that it’s because we have different ways of solving the same problem and simply cannot agree. However, I believe the issue runs deeper than just having different solutions to one issue. I believe the real reason we can’t solve our global issues stems from our poor conflict resolution skills at the individual level and how we treat each other on a daily basis, along with the projection of these behaviors onto the world at large.
Let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Our society is made up of various units, otherwise known as communities, made up of individuals coming together. In these communities, there are shared traits including values, norms, beliefs, and attitudes that drive us to group ourselves into communities and societies. But where do these values, norms, beliefs, and attitudes come from? The answer is simple: our family. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are conditioned to adopt the same values and beliefs as our family because we are born into a world that has already been constructed for us.1 The only expectation, it seems, is to follow the rules that have been set by those who came before us.
The family we are born into largely determines the values and beliefs we carry. If we don’t question or challenge those views, we often accept them as truth without thinking critically about where they come from or whether they are right for us. But what happens when we question those beliefs and norms; how does our family, neighbor, or friend handle those different views? And what happens when we encounter someone who doesn’t share our values or beliefs? Does that make them wrong? Or are we wrong? What makes us so sure that our values are more valid or true than someone else’s?
The issue isn’t so much the norms and values we follow blindly, but rather how we respond to and treat others who have different life expectations. We learn this from our families as well. We observe how they handle differing ideologies or conflicts, and we adopt those strategies. When someone holds a different view, it often feels like a personal attack, so we instinctively defend our stance with everything we have.
It seems bizarre that we find it hard to accept that someone who didn’t grow up in the same household or cultural background might hold different values or standards. But who are we to attack others’ values while defending our own?
The hate and division didn’t begin out in the world, it started within ourselves and our homes. Our conflict styles—whether it’s avoiding and pretending the problem doesn’t exist, or being overly assertive and uncooperative—have only led to more hate.
A classic way we have handled conflict and differences recently has been through social media. It’s easy to say anything you want from behind a screen when you don’t have to face immediate consequences (despite that later there might be). The hate is rampant name-calling, cultural shaming, trying to get someone fired by connecting them to their job, doxing2, and the weekly “race wars.” It has all shown us how poorly we manage differences. It’s almost as if we truly believe that person or group does deserve all the hate they receive and sometimes even more.
If you think this behavior only exists on social media, let’s consider how we act in person. Many of us have isolated ourselves and surrounded ourselves only with people who share our values. Anyone who disagrees with us is seen as no longer valuable to our lives. We cut off family members, long-time friends, neighbors, and don’t engage with coworkers. We’ve created so many groups and subgroups that most people are losing track of where they even belong.
This behavior of how we have handled our differences is linked to how our global issues are being handled right now, and how we ended up where we are now.
Approximately there are 110 ongoing armed conflicts leading to wars and genocides globally.3
We’ve already successfully grouped and polarized ourselves into silos4, only interacting with people who share similar values, norms, and beliefs. While I believe it’s important for everyone to have that sense of community, we must remember that we live in a broader society that is the opposite of isolation. The goal isn’t to solve or eliminate all of our conflicts, but to contain them and build bridges that allow us to connect with others without burning ourselves—or them—in the process. But first, we must be willing to open up and let others cross our bridges without harm.
Maybe it’s time we shift our expectations of society, not to aim for a perfect and morally ‘right’ world, but to a more peaceful, respectable, and harmonious one.
How can we do that?
Well, we can start to live within our own values and beliefs without demeaning others or demanding that they do the same. To have difficult conversations and engage with people who hold different values, we must start with being genuinely curious and ask thoughtful questions. Creating space for active listening, showing empathy, and sharing our own stories can have a bigger impact than we realize. While we may not have the power to change the entire world, by changing our perspective, we can change our experience of the world. Not by altering our values or norms, but by shifting how we perceive and engage with others.
Showing kindness, curiosity, and respect at the individual or community level won’t stop or eliminate the armed conflicts happening around the world, nor can it guarantee the prevention of future ones. However, we can influence how our governments respond. Whether we recognize it or not, we set the expectations for what is acceptable. We do have this power—the power to shape those expectations. But we can’t demand that power from our governments unless we first demonstrate humanity toward each other.
That change in perspective may be the key to bringing us closer to achieving world peace. Leading ourselves toward emotional intelligence could be the only way forward. We must reflect on the changes we have the power to influence and those we do not. Ultimately, the only true power we have to create change is within ourselves. We must consider what is at stake and the consequences of not actively engaging in the process of change.
The solution is not to change our values or make others change theirs but to find out what it is we are missing instead of letting our assumption fill the gap.
We are witnessing the consequences of isolation and hatred. We now face a choice: continue with the same strategies we’ve always used or try something new and unconventional to see where it leads us.
“We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.” – Marcus Aurelius
Footnotes and References
Beyond Conflict. (2023). Psychological insights for addressing global conflicts. https://beyondconflictint.org/
Elsayed, W. (2024, April 3). Building a better society: The vital role of family’s social values in creating a culture of giving in young children’s minds. Heliyon. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11004650/#cebib0010
Pew Research Center. (2022). Political polarization in the American public. https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2022/09/13/political-polarization-in-the-american-public/
Aurelius, M. (167 CE). Meditations. (Translated by Gregory Hays, 2003). Modern Library.
Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin Books.
Arendt, H. (1958). The Human Condition. University of Chicago Press.
The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt.
National Council on Family Relations. (2013). Embracing family values. CFLE Network. https://www.ncfr.org/cfle-network/past-issues/spring-2013/embracing-family-values
Braver Angels. (2023). Reducing political polarization in America. https://braverangels.org/– This organization works to foster dialogue and understanding between people with opposing political views.
Living Room Conversations: https://livingroomconversations.org/
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