Find Mediators Near You:

Doing the Right Thing Correctly

I took a wonderful Class this Week given by Peter Robinson, Dean of the Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University and Robert Benjamin from Portland, Oregon. Peter spoke about the role of Apology in Mediation. I was struck by the discordance between what most of us agree is “good” and what most of us agree is “right”. He offered the example of a child who throws a ball through the neighbors window. There, most of us would insist that our child go over to the neighbors, acknowledge his wrongdoing, offer to make reparations and ask for forgiveness. On the other hand, in a collision on the 405 Freeway, we would likely not consider offering to pay for the damages and asking for forgiveness on the scene, as this may wreak havoc with our insurance carrier’s official “policy”. I’ll share a moment of grace from this past week. Many years ago, my husband and I had a falling out with a lawfirm where I was subletting over a series of errors in a document they were preparing for his business. We refused to pay the bill, and I lost my office. This week, for the first time in about 6 years, that attorney (now turned mediator) took me out to lunch. He reached out to me, acknowledged that he never felt good about the way that was handled and asked for our forgiveness, or at least understanding. I don’t know whether it’s a metaphor or reality, but since I saw this gentleman last, he has gone for a PHd in Divinity and lost 140 pounds. So he’s been touched by grace and is substantially lighter than he was when last we saw one another. So the next time you stop to flog yourself over something you’ve done wrong–reach out to your assailed one, and apologize. It’s right and good…and you may even find yourself lighter and feeling better all the way around!

                        author

Jan Frankel Schau

Attorney Jan Frankel Schau is a highly skilled neutral, engaged in full-time dispute resolution. Following a successful career spanning two decades in litigation, she has mediated over 700 cases for satisfied clients. Ms. Schau understands the nuances of trial and settlement practice as well as client relations and balancing the… MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

Using Experience to Break an Impasse

Ever wonder why there are different views of what happened in every experience? I get to see this almost daily. I sit down with people who have very opposing stories...

By Jason Dykstra
Category

Buyers Remorse In Settlement And Mediations: Seven Ways To Avoid It

Recently, I read a blog post regarding attorneys coercing their clients to settle a case. On Victoria Pynchon’s blog, Settle It Now.  This made me think about the issue of...

By Steve Mehta
Category

Thomas-Kilmann, Hammer’s ICSI, or Style Matters?

RiverHouse Press Blog by Ron KraybillTrainers considering use of  Style Matters as a conflict style inventory should be aware of two other options as well, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument...

By Ronald S. Kraybill
×