Search Mediators Near You:

Healthy Disagreements Can Actually Bring You and Your Spouse Closer Together

Are conflicts in marriage a hindrance or are they healthy for your relationship? Whether you bicker over the smallest of issues or have had a fair share of blowouts over the years, it’s never comfortable to have an argument with the one you love.
But, there is a silver lining to these common conflicts in marriage. They bring you closer together.
In order to strengthen your relationship after an argument, you both need to approach conflict resolution in the right way. Stay calm, listen to your partner without interruption, and attack the problem – not each other.
Timing is also a factor in healthy conversation. For example, say your husband has just walked in the door after working a 12-hour shift. Would this be a wise time to bring up your irritation with him for being late for dinner, or telling him that he never takes you out anymore? You aren’t likely to get a positive response from him given your unfavorable timing.
We’re looking at 5 common issues couples argue about and how they can bring you closer together.
1. Problems with Communication
One of the biggest reason for couples being unsatisfied with their relationship is that they don’t know how to communicate properly. If one partner is prone to yelling and name-calling while the other draws inward and uses the “silent treatment”, then nothing is likely to get accomplished.
When you and your partner cannot communicate, you’re bound to have misunderstandings. This lack of clarity can lead to even bigger arguments.
Arguing about your lack of communication brings you and your spouse closer together for the simple reason that it gets you talking about where you’re going wrong. You can’t learn how to address or solve a problem if you aren’t willing to talk about it.
2. Sexual Issues
Sex is a common conflict in a marriage that may arise in the bedroom for any number of reasons. Differing libidos, sexual habits such as frequent masturbation or watching pornography, infrequent sexual activity, or lack or orgasming during intercourse can all play roles in a couple’s argument.
How can sexual conflicts draw you closer together? If you open a healthy dialogue about sexual desires, you might be surprised about what you learn from your spouse. It may not be that your husband doesn’t desire you, but that he is dealing with stress from work that is exhausting him by the time he gets home.
When you engage in a healthy conflict resolution regarding your sex-related issues, you come to understand one another better. This deepens your bond and allows you to be more open about your sexual issues in the future, instead of letting sexual frustrations fester.
3. Working Too Much or Earning Too Little
Not making enough money or bringing home work-related stress are common arguments couples have regarding their careers.
Working long hours can also be frustrating for both partners. One may be left at home to care for the house or the children while the other spouse is off at work, leaving both exhausted and feeling unappreciated when they finally get together. But would it be loving to snap at your spouse the moment they walk through the door, irritated that they worked late again?
Being overworked can cause exhaustion and take time away from your family. However, the partner who is not working too much also needs to extend understanding. This job is what is helping support your family.  It is unlikely that your partner wants to work late. Likely they would much rather be at home with you.
You can grow from this argument by showing understanding of this situation in the future. Do not attack your partner just because they have obligations to their work. And for the partner staying late, be courteous to your partner by letting them know as far ahead of time as possible that you will not be home at your regular time.
4. Relationship Jealousy
Jealousy is something that causes many couples to argue or snip at one another. Why did he like that girl’s picture on Instagram? Why does she have to stay friends with her ex? Who is going to be at this social event?
With the rise of social media, partners can connect with anyone at any time. People from the past seem to crop up in friend requests, and the ability to be unfaithful is endless via the internet. Relationship jealousy is most certainly common and can be very harmful if not dealt with properly.
In the end, you cannot control your partner. You have to make a decision to either trust them or don’t. You can strengthen your relationship by putting your jealousy to rest. Have a calm, vulnerable conversation with your spouse about why a certain situation bothers you or makes you feel insecure. Let your spouse reassure you and then put the topic to bed.
5. Money Matters
Arguing about money is a common conflict in marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married, finances are bound to be a frustrating topic of conversation.
You cannot get ahead in your marriage if you don’t talk to one another about your problems. Do not let financial situations fester until you both resent one another for mishandling your finances. Instead, have a healthy conversation about it.
When you argue about money in a constructive way, you learn how to better your financial situation. For example, if your partner frequently overspends or accrues debt, or you’re both having trouble covering the bills for the month, now is the time to have a conversation about setting a realistic budget.
Arguments don’t have to be meaningless, nor do they have to happen so often. The more you learn from your arguments, the less likely you will be to repeat them. Conflict resolution is key to overcoming the common conflicts in marriage. The better you and your partner learn to communicate, the healthier your marriage will be.



Sylvia Smith

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to… MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Gates and Crowley: The Need For Mandatory Conflict Resolution Skills For Police Officers

“What happened between a Harvard professor and a street cop from Cambridge was a Testosterone laden confrontation fueled by ego of, and misconceptions held by, both men.” Christopher C. Cooper,...

By Christopher C. Cooper

Reflection as a Manifestation of Recognition Beyond Relational Weakness and Self-Absorption

Institute for the Study of Conflict Transformation by Dan SimonWhile debriefing immediately after a co-mediation, an interesting question arose: “Does a reflection always have the same function regardless of the...

By Robin Brzobohatý, Tereza Hanajová

Yes, It Can Be Done: Ten Mediation Program Models, One Online System

Just Court ADR by Susan M. Yates,Jennifer Shack, Heather Scheiwe Kulp, and Jessica Glowinski.When Resolution Systems Institute received a grant from the Illinois Attorney General to develop foreclosure mediation programs...

By Jennifer Shack

Find a Mediator