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How To Ask Your Parents To Mediate

Family conflicts and disputes are relatively common among many families all over the globe. Sometimes, such conflicts even lead to a divorce. However, what may become a concern implies complementary problems that arise when partners who separate have children and common property. In this case, mediation comes in handy as one of the most logical steps to resolving misunderstandings and negotiating issues effectively. 

Mediation is a useful technique used for solving a conflict with the help of   the most suitable, rational, and acceptable solution . In case of family mediation, the point is to find a family mediator who will assist both parents and help them resolve the conflict in a satisfactory way. So, if your parents’ divorce is putting a lot of pressure on you, you may urge your parents to mediate. You can approach them in ways described below.

1. Talk to your parents and inform them that their conflict gives you pain

Off and on, it might happen that you get in the middle of your parents' fight. As it often happens in divorced families with children, both parents put pressure on their kids by constantly talking about divorce. Additionally, some parents cannot fully realize that you love both of them and the fact that one part tells you negative things about another parent makes you very upset. Therefore, the most effective  thing you can do is not remain silent, but actually note that you are undergoing pain just like they do. You may also stress the fact that you love them both and that you will need both parents throughout your lifetime. 

2. Admit that the third side can help your parents more than you

What you can tell your parents is that you don't possess specific knowledge to help your family solve the conflict. What is more, you and your parents can judge the situation only subjectively, but not objectively and rationally. Since both you and your parents have a high emotional attachment to each other, you might need intervention from a third party which is  free of subjectivism and characterised by personal approach. 

3. Tell your parents that their problem is negatively affecting your studies 

During adolescence, high school and college play a fundamental role, and the success you make there largely determines your future life. It is a well-known fact that when parents argue and involve you in their problems, concentrating on your studies gets harder. Since more significant problems arise, you begin to perform less than before. Tell both of your parents that this hardship negatively influences your motivation and performance in college. Your parents will surely understand you, andthis will probably be a point when they will consider mediation not only as a solution for them but also as a way to stop stressing out about their misunderstandings. 

4. Show your parents that you are willing to help

You should not merely point out the problems that your family encounters. Of course, you need to negotiate what is wrong and what should be improved. However, your role does not necessarily finish here. What you can do is to help your parents search for a mediator. So, you may dedicate some time to finding a practitioner who will help your family with your particular problem. Most importantly, you can just show your parents that you know the solution and are willing to go through the difficulties together with them. 

5. Prepare in advance and write about the problems you want to resolve

Talking about family disputes is not the most effortless practice. You should get prepared for the talk and think about what you will tell your parents. Most importantly, you need to keep in mind that your speech should be very delicate and that you need to avoid phrases or words that can hurt your parents’ feelings.  What you can do is sit down and write what you want to tell them, and then submit your draft to an essay writer. Doing so will let you assure that your speech is free of anything that might potentially hurt your family. 

6. Let your parents know that mediation is interactive and not stressful

Some adults are scared of the fact that a stranger will intervene in their family and negatively affect them . Therefore, you may first of all explain  to your parents that mediation is a good thing. You can gradually tell your parents about a mediation effect and practice by showing them mediation videos. From such videos, they  may learn how to manage conflicts and get to know the importance of doing so. After they watch a couple of videos, they will most likely get serious about mediation as the key to dealing with an unhealthy climate in a family. 

7. Explain the reasons why you want your parents to mediate

Even though this tip sounds straightforward enough, it works almost in all cases. The thing is, your parents definitely want all the best for you. They most likely end up fighting just because they have a different vision of what will be better for you. So, once you try explaining to them what will be a benefit for you, they will most likely want to go for mediation. Don’t be afraid of discussing your feelings and  things that hurt you personally, the reasons why they hurt you and why they need to be solved. . Don’t fear to say ‘I’, instead of ‘you’. 

8. Offer your parents ‘child-inclusive’ mediation

If you are concerned about the issue, you can also participate in mediation. Child-inclusive mediation is a practice that is allowed and widely accepted, since child contact during mediation is critical in many cases. To convince your parents to mediate, you can offer your support and let them know that you are willing to save a good family climate, even if your parents are divorced. Child mediation has already proved to be incredibly helpful in this regard. 

Your parents might get divorced, and this is definitely not your fault. However, as a kid, you will always want your mom and dad to be happy and maintain a good relationship because you love them equally. So, once you feel a need for your parents to mediate, you can ask them to do so. All you need to keep in mind is a couple of helpful pieces of advice that have already proven to work well. Convincing your family to mediate will resolve the conflicts and ensure that your parents maintain a healthy relationship even after a divorce.


James Baxter

James Baxter is a professional writer and blogger. MORE >

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