The first entry in a series of occasional Dear Diary postings by New Zealand
mediator, Geoff Sharp, designed to highlight those lonely mediator moments
that all of us experience as we go about our daily work . . .
26 July 2005
I think I am successful but am I significant?
Today all my insecurities came out to play.
After a long session they removed their dark suit coats from the back of their chairs, walked over to where I was wiping the board and said “. . . thanks Geoff – not sure what you did, probably we didn’t need mediation, probably could have got there ourselves but, hey . . . it was fun . . .”
Can’t they see I didn’t just do the money – that was the easy part after I stayed connected with them when they were being difficult and after I subtly created doubt in their obdurate minds without offending them.
Come to think of it…I even planted the seed that grew into the outcome (hey, it was so my idea!!), without them thinking I had made an uninvited mediator’s proposal.
And another thing, why on earth can’t they identify the defining moment of the day when I persuaded them to step away from the cliff after they had all but held hands and jumped off.
Too needy? . . . okay, couldn’t they at least recognise all that paddling under the water I did when it all went wrong this morning- the caring questioning that set the tone early on, the eternal optimism through out that created the right vibe – seems a long time ago for them but it was just a couple of mediator moves back for me.
Yep, sometimes its only my Mum who’s really there for me.
So what I did I say to the guy putting on his coat?
You tell me what you would have said by using the ‘add a brief comment’ link below.
Kimberly Kovach discusses the process of evaluative mediation and how it can marginilize clients.By Kimberlee Kovach