Find Mediators Near You:

Inner Tools to Survive Workplace Bullying

Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal

Those of us who have survived workplace bullying or mobbing (bullying by a group) know how awful and traumatizing it is. In my experience as a survivor and a coach & trainer, accessing inner tools can be immensely helpful to avoid the worst of the emotional impact and help you move from victim to survivor. I first used these inner tools to help myself, and I began using them to support my clients and students as well.

Why does inner work help with workplace bullying?

As I know from all my work in conflict management and communication, we can’t generally control other people or situations.  The only thing we can really control is our attitude. It’s natural and human to feel victimized by people who are making you were target, who are criticizing you or making trouble for you that you in no way deserve. And some people who are bullied at work, were also bullied as children, which intensifies a victim stance as the only choice. But it is possible to change that attitude and make yourself a less attractive target by practicing inner tools.

Here are three inner tools I have found very useful:

1. Affirm your worth

Affirming through positive statements, also called affirmations, that you are a good person, that you are worthy of love and respect, that you don’t deserve this treatment can turn your inner environment around. Simple statements such as I am loved because I deserve loveI am worthy of respect and courtesyI am valuable to this workplace and I have a right to be here, I am safe and protected at all times really help if you repeat them daily or at the moment of attack. It sounds simple, but the truth is when being bullied you are receiving negative message from others constantly, and may be unconsciously repeating them yourself. By intentionally countering with positive affirmations, you can change your thinking. You may need help and support to come up with the most effective affirmations for you and to practice them consistently.

2. Visualize protection

This can also help you feel safer. For example, I visualized twin Xena Warrior Princesses, one on either side, lounging casually, but with one hand one their swords, protecting me when I had to go into a meeting with hostile people. I’ve helped clients visualize a protective bubble or rose bushes around them that won’t let “slings and arrows” in.

3. Heal past and current trauma

I worked with a client who was a K-12 teacher and was being bullied at her school. She had also grown up with an abusive alcoholic father and had never healed that earlier trauma. With support and gentleness, she had to go back and work lovingly with her inner child before she could find the strength and courage to deal with the bullying in the present. In my own case, I had to do more trauma work after I left the toxic environment, because my healing has happened in stages.

These tools alone may not stop the bullying, but they can protect you and help you find more energy and courage to figure out your next steps. I will share some more tools in my next post.


Lorraine Segal

After surviving the 50's and 60's, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a tenured professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to started her own business, Conflict Remedy (, happily teaching, coaching, blogging and consulting around workplace conflict transformation. She is addicted to reading novels and enjoys walking and… MORE >

Featured Members

View all

Read these next


Rights V Resolution

From the Blog of Phyllis G. Pollack.On July 17, 2010, the Southern California Mediation Association (“SCMA”) held its annual Townhall. As president, I had the honor of choosing the topic...

By Phyllis Pollack

SHOVEL 5 – Whose Fear is it Anyway

Somewhere along the mediation trail, process change appeared.  This change became a big drift from traditional mediation and led to the shuttle system.  Traditional joint mediation faded and died. Efforts...

By Paul Rajkowski

Criminal Justice and ADR

From ADRAC- The Australian Dispute Resolution Advisory Council Blog, organized with Shirli Kirschner This paper was settled jointly by the members of ADRAC. What does ADR mean in the criminal justice context?...

By Shirli Kirschner