Find Mediators Near You:

Is There LIfe After Divorce At 45? Your Mindset Tells It All

You’re 45, and finally on the other side of your divorce. The fog is lifting … leaving you in shock and awe of the amount of time, energy, and expense of it all. There isn’t an emotional reaction that you haven’t felt during this process. You’re tired of feeling, or trying not to feel.

Now, in the quiet of your own place, you have the luxury of decompressing. And you wonder …

Is it possible, as a 45 year old, to rebuild a good life after divorce? The sheer asking of this question is an act of courage, truth seeking. This is a pivotal moment in time where you create your future. One way or another.

It’s typical for recently divorced people to find themselves in one of two mindsets.  In one mindset, you feel years younger, as you imagine endless possibilities in front of you with excitement. In an alternate version, you feel older, less excited about the future, believing that your life is virtually over.

The truth is, you co-create your life. This is your time to create something beautiful.

Quantum physics is revealing that there is a scientific explanation for how our present thoughts and feelings ultimately create our future reality. Don’t underestimate the power of your own beliefs!

There is a life after divorce at 45, and your thoughts and feelings today will create that life.

You are a thinking, feeling machine. There is a feedback loop inside of each of us. Our emotions actually send chemical signals to our brains, which then generate new thoughts that align with those feelings. The loop continues, emitting all kinds of hormones and chemicals which have a physical effect on our bodies.

When you are feeling blue, hopeless, and depressed, you are setting yourself up for more thoughts that will feed into that. The same principle is true when we are feeling empowered, grateful, and inspired. In time, these chemical reactions to and from the brain affect your biochemistry. On a cellular level, your feelings and thoughts are changing you. Epigenetics 101. And that changes your future.

How to create a life worth living after divorce at 45?

There are some very simple steps you can take today to help create the life you want now and going forward.

#1 – Seriously monitor your self-talk for a full week. Sounds simple, but it’s easy to lose track of all that jibberish going on in our heads. Aim for the self-talk with the most emotional after effect.

I’ve found it helpful to keep a thought/feeling diary. Make five columns on the page. In the first column, describe the thought, or self-talk. An example would be something like this “People are annoying. They are always cutting me off (when driving).” And, across from the thought, in column two, describe the feeling that went along with that thought. Maybe it’s an angry, or frustrated feeling?

*Notice how the feedback loop is at work – they feed into, or reinforce each other.

#2 – Review your self-talk log at the end of each day. Keep any notes or observations you may have in a third column – it builds self observation.

In the fourth column, create a different response to the same event. What if, instead of feeling frustrated by the driver who cuts you off, you choose a different thought. What if your self-talk was more open-hearted, as in “Oh well, maybe they have something urgent to get to.”

In the fifth column, jot down how this different self-talk affected your emotional reaction. This is important work. Don’t scimp on it.

#3 – Write down, (it’s powerful), no less than 5 things about the life you want. Do not include any timeline, or explanation of how you got there. You may write things such as “I am in love with my life, I am part of a community of like-minded people, I have an abundance of money, I have a wonderful and caring partner, and I am able to spend time in nature…” You get the picture.

#4 – Start a daily meditation practice. You can find apps to get you started, and typically don’t need more than 5-10 minutes in the morning and evening to begin. This practice will open up some energetic space inside you for creating a different reality. Practice this for at least 7 days, and jot down any changes noticed in your thought/feeling feedback loop.

This is only the beginning of creating a life that excites and inspires you. I’d love to hear about your experiences with these ideas!

The knowledge that you are a creator of your future ought to give you a feeling of power. You hold the key to what lies ahead. The fact that you are 45 and divorced is a bonus. You have more mental power now than you would have had at 30!


Ann Cerney

Ann Cerney is the director of Cerney Divorce, a coaching and parenting mediation practice in the Chicago area. You can reach Ann for a private consultation to talk about how to create a child-centered divorce. MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Weaving Our Tapestries

This Christmas break allowed us time to reflect and hopefully start the New Year refreshed. With Waitangi Day upon us in New Zealand, I’d like to share a theme of...

By Keri Morris

Why Should Women Learn How To Negotiate? A Call To Action

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, in the must-read Ask for It!, define negotiation as "a tool to help change [or preserve] the status quo when change [or preservation] requires the...

By Victoria Pynchon

Start with “Hello” to Manage Conflict

Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine SegalConflict management can start as simply saying “hello”. As well as coaching individuals who are embroiled with conflict, I often coach CEOs, HR professionals, executive...

By Lorraine Segal