Know Your Worth

“Know your worth. You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” Tene Edwards

I find this a poignant quote. There’s only so much any of us can or want to tolerate when we don’t feel respected. This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog speaks to this as it pertains to being in conflict. That is, our level of toleration varies in conflict depending on a number of variables, including whom the conflict is with and what it is about?

Generally, most of us do not want to put up with words and actions that result in us feeling vulnerable, threatened, experiencing ongoing tension, being undermined, hurt and upset, feeling ‘lesser than’ and other outcomes that can occur from being engaged in destructive conflict.

At these times – when the conflict dynamics threaten our self-worth – many of us lose track of ourselves and our strengths. Self-limiting beliefs might kick in; we may lose faith in ourselves and underestimate our strengths; we may feel powerless; and we might lose courage to stand up for ourselves or our values and our needs. Maintaining and gaining strength at these times is often difficult and we forget we have a choice to walk away – with our dignity and self-respect. This blog invites you to unpack an interpersonal dispute and consider when and how to leave the table because respect is no longer being served.

• What is the dispute about?
• In what ways is the other person undermining and disrespecting you?
• About what in this dynamic are you feeling strong?
• About what are you feeling least strong in this dispute?
• What did you think about yourself before this conflict with respect to your relationship with the other person? Your relationship with yourself?
• What about now – taking the above questions to the present?
• What does ‘leaving the table’ mean to you as one of your choices regarding this dispute? What other meanings may apply?
• If you hadn’t already included ‘leaving the table’ as one of your choices, what now makes that a possibility?
• What scares you about the possibility of leaving the table as you define it?
• In what ways might you muster your courage to ‘leave the table’?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE