Motivating Parties with Self-Determination Theory

In mediation, the definition and concept of ‘self-determination’ is an oft-used way to discuss the parties’ participation in decision-making and voluntary participation in conflict engagement and potential resolution. We can use the concept of self-determination to ask deeper questions about the parties’ motivations during mediation and as they seek to implement their agreements. What motivates people to act, seek resolution, and then follow through on (or violate) their agreements? How can mediators encourage the parties to actively participate in the process, honestly represent their interests, and explore options?

Self-determination theory (SDT) examines the conditions that foster motivation, breaking them down into three pillars: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. According to SDT, when these three pillars are met, a person can feel more internally motivated. SDT can help mediators support their parties in identifying what motivates them, what will meet their needs, and can lead to a more positive mediation experience.

Autonomy is the need to feel in control of our behaviors, our goals, and our lives more generally. We feel good when we know we can take direct actions in our life to effect real change.

Competence, the second pillar, refers to the desire to learn new things and feel masterful in those skills and knowledge.

Relatedness, the third and final pillar of SDT, refers to the need for belonging and feeling recognized by and connected to others.

What does this have to do with party motivation in mediation? What we know from research is that extrinsic motivation (e.g., carrots and sticks) are useful but short-lived in effect and can undermine autonomy. Where there is a carrot or a stick, it can feel like someone else is trying to modify or control your behavior. Open-ended questions that are non-leading and non-judgmental and focus on the party’s needs, goals, interests, and how they think these could be achieved in mediation can help avoid the carrot/stick motivation dynamic. This self-advocacy, central to voluntary mediation, encourages open discussion and brainstorming possible resolution.

Mediators can also facilitate competency – feeling masterful in skills and knowledge. During mediation we can underscore the point that they are the primary players in mediation – you control the process, but they control their own narratives as the protagonists of their own life. While we might be the trained mediators and neutrals, they bore witness to events, are the experts in their own feelings, and can best determine for themselves what outcomes they want. They are, in essence, the most competent individuals to determine an outcome that is desirable.

 Parties in mediation are already interdependent – they are connected by their conflict – and they also become connected to you in your role as the mediator (short lived though it may be). They may also be connected by longstanding relationships, such as business colleagues, romantic partners or co-parents, co-workers, neighbors, or relatives. In domestic relations, workplace, or HOA mediations, for example, those interpersonal relationships may continue for years after mediation concludes. Questions such as, “How do you want this relationship to look?” or “What type of relationship do you want your child to see between the two of you?” (where appropriate to the context) can prompt parties to think about their existing relationship, and how they want to continue relatedness moving forward. This lends itself to the technique of backcasting, where we ask parties to envision the realistic future they want, and then build an agreement that can help them make the first steps towards reach that goal.

The mediator can play an active role in supporting our parties’ motivations. For example, positive feedback and encouragement (“You all have made a lot of progress, and have covered a lot of the points of concern.” and “Thank you both for candidly sharing your experiences.”) can make individuals feel more competent and increase their sense of self as they share their perspectives, needs, and goals. Focusing on the progress the parties have made during mediation and that they’ve done that together underscores the relatedness in a positive direction, as opposed to focusing on their interdependence in conflict only. Listening and reminding the parties that we as mediators are stewards of the process, not the outcome, highlights their autonomy and their ability to make decisions for themselves in their own best interests.

                       

Amanda Reinke

Dr. Amanda J. Reinke is a conflict management professor at Kennesaw State University and has been a practicing mediator offering pro bono services since 2014 across two states and in the general civil, domestic relations, and domestic violence categories. She conducts research on the effects of bureaucracy on appropriate dispute… MORE >