The Creative Solution: Show Me the Money

The Creative Solution Table of Contents

Summary:

This chapter, “Show Me The Money,” discusses strategies for mediating financial issues in divorce. Rose advocates for a “macro” approach, focusing on overall cash flow rather than individual disputes, to foster collaboration. He suggests organizing all income and expenses to reveal the interdependence of financial issues and the limited resources available. This holistic view, facilitated by tools like whiteboards, helps parties prioritize competing interests and recognize the benefits of shared solutions, ultimately promoting successful agreement.

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Chapter 13: Show Me the Money

It seems like it has been a while since we have addressed strategies regarding financial issues in divorce mediation.  In the short space of this column, let us consider the approach for responding to any specific financial issue by designing a framework for the discussion of all financial issues.

Assume for the sake of discussion, the mediation agenda includes most typical divorce money matters: allocation of income during separation, debt service of marital obligations, asset division and future support.  Assume further that a general process framework has been developed and process rules have been agreed upon by the parties.  The challenge facing the mediator is to organize the development of the issues in a manner that will accomplish critical strategic objectives: To establish a context for the discussion of any particular financial issue; to neutralize their position-oriented approach to one another; to create a framework that is not owned by either party; and, to increase their understanding and capacity to identify mutually acceptable solutions.

It has been my experience that the most consistently effective way to pull the parties back from the sharp edge of conflict is to shift the focus from the micro (specific disagreement over a particular issue) to the macro (identification of broad shared goals, objectives, or values).  This approach works as well in diluting their emotion as it does in organizing the pragmatic side of identifying all the necessary components of the financial discussion. 

One of my standard approaches to money matters is to frame the issues under the broad umbrella topic of Cash Flow.  The goal is to raise the awareness of the parties to all related financial subjects, create a structure to provide support for the developing discussion, and identify the interdependence of the various financial issues.  Appropriate to this meta-category are the following: Separation expenses, sources of income, monthly living expenses (whether separated or continuing to cohabit), debt service on credit card balances, insurance premiums (health, life, auto), children related expenses (tuition, child care, medical, activities, sports, etc.), alimony or spousal support, memberships, etc.  A parallel purpose of pulling as many of them as are readily identifiable into this broad category is to create an awareness of the limited resources that may be available to address these needs.

For demonstration purposes, we will utilize the marital stereotypes of the husband employed as the primary breadwinner and the wife employed as the primary custodial parent.  Her primary focus is meeting monthly expenses on a significantly reduced income after he has moved out and the parties have lost the economy of shared living expenses.  His primary focus is refinancing the house to reduce the monthly debt service on the outstanding credit card debt which robs them of necessary cash each month.

Without some context, it can be difficult for them to see the meaningful interconnectedness of their two issues.  Once all the sources of income have been identified (allowing for differing positions as to the sources and amounts of income), all of the expenses of each household, and all of the existing marital debt have been identified, the challenge of managing the entire cash flow dilemma takes on a new perspective.  Money applied to any particular problem means that sum will not be available for any other problem.  This exercise is one in which a whiteboard or flipchart can be an especially effective tool for diverting their conflicted attention from one another and onto a shared agenda of mutual concern.  The subconscious message that is the by-product of interlacing their individual cash flow topics on a common surface is, that each concern is valid and they can co-exist without having to dismiss one in favor of another.

When the financial issues are viewed in their entirety, any proposed solutions will have to create priorities between serious and conflicting interests.  The larger view assists the clients to see that their conflicts are not always between one another.  Just as often, the conflict is between competing internal values or interests of either party.  One net result will be that some interests will have to be set aside in order to satisfy others.  Another result is the recognition of the economy of shared solutions.  If the outflow of all needs exceeds the inflow of all income (a typical circumstance at separation), the mediator gains a powerful facilitating ally-the reality that continued conflict will further drain already inadequate resources.  Furthermore, the need for mutual participation in decisionmaking can be an empowering exercise for the spouse who has not previously played such a role. 

Success in facilitating these challenging financial issues depends on having a well-developed conceptual framework, which includes strategies for organizing the subject matter in ways that defuse conflict, educate the parties and raise their capacities for quality decision-making.

The Creative Solution Table of Contents

Chip Rose

Chip Rose is highly experienced divorce mediator previously based in Santa Cruz, California and recently moved to Bend, Oregon. Chip founded The Mediation Center in Santa Cruz in 1980 and is certified as a Specialist in Family Law by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization. In a client-centered… MORE