Find Mediators Near You:

The Pull of Hate in Lawsuits

Mediation Bytes by Karin Hobbs

“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.” Every year at this time, we are reminded of the great work of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. So often I encounter people who seem to “hate” each other.

In a recent series of mediations, I encountered a number of people who began to “hate” each other. Each time, allowing the parties to talk resulted in far less hatred. Picture a conference table full of men in dark suits in one room angry about a dispute regarding a contract. Distrust and hatred were palpable. Down the hall, the other party to the contract was sitting with his spouse and his attorney. He was sad and frustrated. Both sides were distressed and disturbed. They were good friends but significant problems had arisen. A lawsuit had been filed, and for many months neither side had talked to the other. The legal issues were complicated.

I mentioned early in the process that a few select men may need to speak to each other. Attorneys were reluctant. Clients were intrigued but wary. After ordinary attempts at settling the dispute seemed to be yielding no results, I brought the key people together. They shared stories. They cried and laughed. They solved their problem. All indications of hatred disappeared. Like so many others, these good people appreciated the opportunity to discuss the issues in a controlled setting with a trained mediator.

That day I felt I was working to correct that pull of hate, as I do more often than not. ”Hatred paralyzes life: love releases it. Hatred confuses life: love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life: love illuminates it.” Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. Thanks Dr. King for reminding me of why I love my job.


Karin S. Hobbs

A Fellow and Board member of the International Academy of Mediators, Karin has enjoyed a distinguished career as a mediator, an attorney and a trainer.  She established the Appellate Mediation Office at the Utah Court of Appeals in 1997, served as Chief Appellate Mediator, was Bar Counsel for the Utah… MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Creating a Culture of Peace

You might wonder what is meant by the expression, “creating a culture of peace.” Similarly, you may ask what you can do about it, especially if you’re not skilled in...

By Dr. Deri Joy Ronis

Don Saposnek: Therapy With Mediation – Video

Don Saposnek talks about integrating the practices of therapy and dispute resolution. More specifically, how his mental health experience and background have given him useful tools to help people resolve...

By Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D

Be Sure To Check the Facts

CMP Resolution Blog by Lesley Allport and Katherine Graham.A female middle manager complained she had been bullied by her male senior manager, who she had described as aggressive and demanding....

By Tim Kingsbury