Search Mediators Near You:

The Secret Good Negotiators Know

Good negotiators know this secret: Persuade with your ears, not your mouth.

Instead of trying to persuade by telling and then telling some more, lead with your curiosity. Good negotiators listen for:

The reasons behind their position.
What they care about most.
Ways you can help them get more of what they care most about.
The standards they use to judge the quality of your offer.
Why what you’re proposing isn’t resonating.
Practice in low-stakes situations every day in order to master your listening skills and be better able to listen well in high-stakes situations. Build muscle memory for when you need it most. You become a good negotiator with regular practice.


Tammy Lenski

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps individuals, pairs, teams, and audiences navigate disagreement better, address friction, and build alignment. Her current work centers on creating the conditions for robust collaboration and sound decisions while fostering resilient personal and professional relationships. Her conflict resolution podcast and blog, Disagree Better, are available at… MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Ironically, Bush and Folger are Evaluative

A) Introduction This article rebuts “Reclaiming Mediation’s Future: Getting Over the Intoxication of Expertise, Re-Focusing on Party Self-Determination,” written by Robert A. Bush and Joseph P. Folger in 2014 for...

By Sam Imperati, J.D.

L.A. Mediator And The LASC Pro Bono Panel: The Confessional

It is a truism that our greatest weaknesses can also be our greatest strengths.  We all have something that we'd like to see changed.  We're too easily startled by the...

By Victoria Pynchon

Getting What was Actually Paid

PGP Mediation Blog by Phyllis G. Pollack Let us suppose that Jane Jones is driving along one of the many freeways in Los Angeles, and as is typical, the flow...

By Phyllis Pollack

Find a Mediator