Two Realities at Once: A Mediator’s Reflection from Dubai

Recently, life in Dubai has taken on a strange and somewhat disorienting rhythm. Most of the day looks very much the way it always has. I wake up, head to the gym, run errands, and move through the ordinary routines that fill any normal day. I stop at the grocery store on the way home, debate what to cook for dinner, and wash a load of clothes before bed. The details of daily life remain familiar and mundane, even if the broader circumstances around us have shifted.

At the same time, there are small reminders that life is not entirely normal. My children are attending school online rather than in their classrooms. Conversations with friends often begin with the same question about whether anyone heard the missile noises from the night before. The routines continue, but there is an underlying awareness that something unusual is happening in the background.

Every so often, sometimes in the middle of the night, my phone erupts with a booming alert that instantly pulls me out of that ordinary rhythm. A missile warning flashes across the screen. The sound is loud enough to wake me immediately, and for a moment I lie there in the dark trying to make sense of what exactly I am supposed to do. I live high up in an apartment building. Running downstairs in the middle of the night does not seem particularly realistic, and standing by the windows does not feel especially wise either. So like many people here, I find myself doing the only thing that seems possible in that moment. I anxiously wait.

Sometimes there is nothing more than silence. Other times, after several minutes or sometimes much longer, I hear a distant boom somewhere above the city when something is intercepted in the sky. Eventually another alert arrives on my phone letting me know that the risk has passed. Just as suddenly as the moment began, it is over.

The next morning I wake up, make a protein shake, head to the gym, and start the day again.

This strange combination of normal routines and sudden interruption has created an experience that feels both mundane and surreal. Daily life continues in ways that feel almost unchanged, yet every so often there is a reminder that events unfolding elsewhere are close enough to reach us. The two realities exist side by side, rarely intersecting but impossible to ignore.

What has surprised me even more than the alerts themselves has been the reaction from people outside the region. Friends and family from around the world have been sending messages asking if we are safe and urging us to leave. Some send articles describing missile attacks and escalating tensions. Others simply check in, wondering whether we are all right.

Their concern is sincere and deeply appreciated. At the same time, the picture they imagine often looks very different from the one I experience when I step outside each day. Dubai is a city of several million people. There have been tragic deaths and some damage from falling debris, and those events are real and serious. Yet for most people here, daily life continues in ways that feel remarkably ordinary. People still run errands, cook dinner, answer emails, and move through the routines that shape everyday life.

Both of these realities exist at the same time.

Depending on where someone is standing geographically, emotionally, or informationally, the same moment can look entirely different.

Living inside this contrast has made me think about something I see frequently in my work as a mediator. When people arrive in mediation, they often believe they are arguing about facts. One person insists that something happened a certain way, while the other insists that it did not. Each person is convinced that their account reflects what actually occurred.

But what mediators quickly learn is that the disagreement is rarely about the facts alone. Much more often, it is about the experience of those facts.

Two people can live through the exact same moment and walk away with entirely different interpretations of what happened. A comment intended as neutral feedback may feel like criticism to the person hearing it. A question meant as curiosity can land as doubt or mistrust. Silence that one person interprets as thoughtfulness may feel like rejection to someone else.

Each person is responding to something real. The difference is that they are responding to their own experience of the moment rather than a single shared version of it.

Watching the way people outside the region react to events in Dubai has made this dynamic unusually visible to me. The articles they read describe missile attacks and escalating conflict, and those reports are not inaccurate. At the same time, I might be standing in a grocery store deciding what to cook for dinner or ordering take out and watching reruns of Modern Family with my daughters.

Both of those realities exist simultaneously.

In mediation, one of the most important shifts occurs when people begin to recognize that different experiences of the same event can coexist. The goal is not always to determine whose version is correct. Often the more meaningful work begins when people become curious about how the other person experienced the moment in the first place.

Living in Dubai recently has reminded me how easily different realities can exist at the same time. A missile interception can occur somewhere nearby while someone else is simply answering emails, washing dishes, or helping a child log into an online class.

Both things are happening.

And depending on where we stand, the moment can look completely different.

Conflict often begins not because people disagree about the facts, but because they experienced the same moment from different places.

Julie Cobalt

I am a certified mediator, conflict-resolution coach, lawyer, and mother of four daughters, with more than two decades of experience guiding clients through high-stakes impasses—from one-on-one relationship struggles to multi-party disputes involving families, founders, and corporate or nonprofit boards. Trained at the National Conflict Resolution Center and grounded in both… MORE