What Is Wrong With My Good Intentions?

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Texas Conflict Coach Audio Blog by Pattie Porter

Quick Tips

• Identify what triggers negative reactions for you.
• Identify your intention.
• Focus on changing some of your specific behaviors.

How do I make my intentions to be conflict competent a reality?

Intention rescue.

Have you made a commitment to hone your conflict resolution skills this year? Are you struggling, even feeling like a failure?   Let me give you a “rescue remedy” for bringing your good intentions to fruition.

Identify your triggers.

If a specific statement, action or person creates a conflict response, know this about yourself.  Be aware of what triggers a negative reaction in you.

Ask some questions.

Think about a situation or a person which triggers a conflict or negative response for you.  Ask yourself:

• How do I want to be in this situation?
• What are the values and beliefs I want to uphold in this situation? Example: “I want to be confident and strong.”

Make a commitment to your intention.

Write on card, “I am willing to practice being ___ (value or belief around this situation or person)

Example:  I am willing to practice being forgiving.

This act of willingness says a lot about your commitment.

Translate commitment to behavior.

Identify the behavior(s) necessary to meet the commitment.

Example:  I might ask myself, “How do I be forgiving?” 

Then I look at the behavioral responses I personally have to change in order to be forgiving in this situation:

• Listening with understanding.
• Not getting defensive.

If you find it difficult to identify behaviors to support your intentions, think of what you are not doing when you are not supporting your intentions.

Example:  When I am not being forgiving….

• I don’t care what the other person has to say.
• I interrupt when he or she speaks.
• I use a terse tone of voice.

Get a mentor.

Pick a trusted friend, colleague or coach to give you feedback about how well you are doing in changing behavior.  Have them observe you in the situation and give feedback in the moment or shortly afterward.

Your Assignment

In my Texas Conflict Coach® podcast, I suggested an assignment to help make your intentions a reality:

• Write your intention statement down in the next 24 hours. “I am willing to practice ___.”
• Identify the behavior changes you need to make in order to make your intention a reality.
• Practice the behavior changes and get feedback from a trusted mentor.

To learn more about this topic, listen to the entire episode GOOD INTENTIONS OFTEN PAVE A PATHWAY OF GOLD…TO HELL