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What Makes Someone Ask for a Divorce

“What makes someone leave one partner for another? Or what forces someone to ask about divorce?” These are the most common questions asked on different divorce blogs and forums.

This article collects the ten most common reasons why partners choose to leave the marriage. It may help you to recognize alarm bells and protect your marriage from failure. Or it may give you the vocabulary to describe your concerns in mediation.

The Reasons Why Partners Ask for a Divorce

Many people believe in the incompatibility of horoscopes and that this is the reason many relationships fail. But does this mean that a Virgo wife will leave her Sagittarius partner?

If stars could explain all our actions, life would be much easier. But the truth is that our lives and relationships are a series of our own choices and actions. So let’s study the earthly reasons for leaving beloved ones.

1. Lack of Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy is a deep bond between spouses where both partners feel love, security, and trust.

Even introverts who don’t like to share their feelings need emotional connection. Moreover, lack of emotional intimacy leads to a weakening of interest and need for a partner.

To establish emotional intimacy, spouses should communicate with each other. Joint activities, interests, and feelings contribute to strengthening healthy relationships.

2. Communication Problems

According to an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) study, about 67.5 percent of marriages break up due to communication problems.

Failure to listen and hear a partner leads to constant arguments and quarrels. It also includes keeping silent about personal thoughts and desires. Unfortunately, humans do not yet have the ability to read each other’s minds.

Due to lack of communication, other reasons for divorce arise, such as adultery and neglect. To improve the quality of communication, spouses should spend more time together, discussing daily issues, interests, views, and goals for life.

If a couple has hit the point where they can not reach an expected consequence, they can turn to a family psychotherapist or coach for help. Experts will listen to both sides, determine the root of the problem, and help overcome it together.

3. No Long-Term Marriage Goals

Spouses should have common short and long-term goals. If a couple has incompatible plans for the future, either partner can leave the marriage.

When your spouse asks for a divorce, it may be related to the desire to get something different from life. That’s why the spouses should make sure they want the same things:

  • Where do spouses see themselves in five years?

  • Do they want to have children?

  • Will they split or share their finances?

  • What role will relatives play in the relationship?

  • Will spouses live in a city or suburb?

Simple questions can show the difference between the partners in the same situation. As a result, it will make it challenging for married life.

4. Lack of Sex Life

Sex is one part of a healthy relationship. It strengthens emotional connections and satisfies the physical needs of the partners.

A study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior reported that sexual activity triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for stress reduction and mood improvement.

One of the reasons why partners may be dissatisfied with their sex life in marriage is the embarrassment of talking about their sexual desires and what they don’t like. Therefore, both partners should work through this issue, encouraging and not judging.

Spouses need to step out of their comfort zone, try new positions or switch their roles (active and passive, if they share). They also should study the sensitive points of their partner’s body. It can take time, of course, but be patient.

Partners should not forget about the right mood. Sex without the necessary feelings turns into an automated fulfillment of marital duty and discourages any desire to engage in it.

5. Comparison with Others

Another reason a partner might accidentally hurt the other feelings is by comparing them to exes, friends, and coworkers. Nobody likes to be compared with another.

If spouses want to maintain a healthy relationship, it is worth focusing on their partners’ benefits. For example, they should avoid comparative “whys” and “buts,” or one day they might find out that their spouse is looking up “how to ask for a divorce” on the Internet.

Each personality is unique. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Your significant other may also be an example for someone to look up to.

6. Partners Don’t Spend Time Together

Partners who spend limited time together lose interest and mental connection with each other. During a joint vacation, they have a chance to establish communication, discuss plans for the future, and get to know each other from the other side.

The less time spouses spend with each other, the less they know each other. And at some point, it may seem to the partner that the person next to them is just a passer-by.

Partners should remember what they did and where they went when they started dating. Then, spouses can give the relationship a new breath.

Spouses should not use children and work as an excuse that there is no time for this. Instead, they can hire a babysitter or ask friends to sit with their children while they reminisce about the old days.

7. Absence of Respect

Respect is the foundation of a relationship. Accordingly, a lack of respect in marriage can lead to its end.

Sometimes spouses unknowingly cross the line. They may view their actions as caring. For example, a partner can hide unpleasant information or always say what and how to do it.

To make the marriage strong, partners should eliminate signs of disrespect for each other as soon as they appear. Among the signs of disrespect for a partner are:

  • Mistrust;

  • Failure to respect personal boundaries;

  • The presence of a large number of secrets;

  • Doesn’t value the partner’s time;

  • Using weaknesses against a spouse;

  • Reproaches;

  • Frequent interruption of speech.

8. Toxic Relationship 

Unfortunately, marriage is not always healthy. Partners can behave extremely disrespectfully to each other and constantly insult and belittle the dignity of the other.

No spouse wants to endure constant conflicts in a relationship, no matter how much they love their significant other. Signs of a toxic relationship include:

  • Total control;

  • Jealousy;

  • Disloyalty;

  • Constant indication of the partner’s weaknesses and shortcomings;

  • Constant groundless disputes;

  • Dismissive comments;

  • Dishonesty.

If spouses really want to save their marriage and love their partners, they should reconsider their attitude towards the relationship. Partners should trust their spouse more, discuss difficulties, and look for solutions together when they arise.

Your beloved is your ally, not your enemy.

9. Dissatisfaction with The Marriage

If a spouse is dissatisfied with the conditions of the marriage, they may begin to ask for a divorce peacefully. Dissatisfaction can affect different areas such as sex, support, caring, etc.

Based on the dissatisfaction, the couple may often quarrel or, on the contrary, silently distance themselves from each other. Therefore, to prevent the dissolution of the marriage, partners should discuss their expectations for the union in advance.

Prenuptial agreements allow both spouses to stipulate all the conditions of their marriage in detail. It also protects the couple from disagreements during divorce if they fail to save the marriage.

10. Personal Changes

People tend to change. A new job, a new acquaintance, or a recent event – all this can change our outlook and priorities in life.

However, spouses can change at different rates. A person who was ideally matched in all aspects of life yesterday may seem wholly alien and unattainable today.

Personal change is not anyone’s fault. However, if one spouse feels that they and their beloved are in different periods of life, they may want to go their separate way. And then there is nothing you can do. C’est la vie!

Final Words

Partners should both work on the relationship. If you feel that something is going wrong, you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse and find a proper solution.

It would be helpful to find out what your partner likes and wants (in sex too). Do not hesitate to ask, and do not blame them for it. They will treat you the same way with care and affection.


Natalie Maximets

Certified Life Transformation Coach Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach and a freelance writer with expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. She is a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in the field of Psychology. Natalie helps people go through fundamental life challenges, such as divorce, and… MORE >

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