Find Mediators Near You:

Bring Five Percent more Compassion to Conflicts

Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal

Bringing five percent more compassion can really make a difference in conflicts.

What would happen if you could bring just a little bit more compassion and love to conflicts and disagreements? I think you’d be amazed at the positive effect.

I’ve often talked with clients and students about the value of opening our hearts to compassion, empathy, and curiosity in conflicts.

 5% More

Recently,  I heard a presentation with Tina Quinn, an author and coach. One technique she used with clients, is to ask them to bring 5% more compassion or love to a difficult situation. She wasn’t speaking specifically about conflict, but I was struck with how useful this technique could be.

What could 5% more compassion and love look like in a conflict or difficult conversation?

  • 5% more breathing and pausing before responding rather than reacting.
  • 5% more listening with curiosity and empathy.
  • 5% more openness to their perspective.
  • 5% more checking that you’ve understood.
  • 5% more willingness to look at your contribution to the problem.
  • 5% more compassion for yourself as well.
  • 5% more willingness to let go and move on.

The special beauty of 5% more is that you are not being asked to be perfect, or to change completely: this is about progress not perfection.

Lorraine’s (gentle) challenge

What would your 5% more look like to help difficult situations right now?

If you try this out, I’d really like to hear your commitment and how it worked for you.


Lorraine Segal

After surviving the 50's and 60's, as well as twenty years in toxic academia as a tenured professor, Lorraine Segal was inspired to started her own business, Conflict Remedy (, happily teaching, coaching, blogging and consulting around workplace conflict transformation. She is addicted to reading novels and enjoys walking and… MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Playing Hard to Get?

From the blog Mediation Marketing TipsI am ever so slowly catching up on blog reading after my extended leave of absence. There have been some recent (ok stale for real...

By Kristina Haymes

Avoiding, Preventing, Resolving Conflict – Video

Leo Hura series and specials are media productions produced by volunteers using Olelo Community Media. This video is one in a series that shows a role play of the mediation...

By Leo Hura

Stocking Stuffer!

From the Real Divorce Mediation Blog of Nancy Hudgins and Debra Synovec Fill your stocking by doing tax planning! Yes, tax planning may give divorcing couples more holiday dollars! Holidays...

By Debra Synovec, Nancy Hudgins