Do you recognize these 7 Early Warning Signs of Getting Hooked by a Conflict?

Getting “hooked” by a conflict is the experience of being mentally snagged, caught by the conflict in such a way that you find yourself ruminating on it and feeling emotionally off balance.

The earlier you know you’re hooked, the better your chances of handling things in ways you can feel good about later. Here are some signs to watch for:

  • Your body is conveying the physiological signs of anger (audio excerpt from my mini-course, Keeping Your Cool in Conflict).
  • Your inner lizard is on alert and starting to call the shots.
  • You want to vent your anger to someone you trust — even though venting is a bad idea indeed.
  • Your thoughts are like a runaway train, escalating you even in the absence of the other person.
  • You find yourself using totalizing language when thinking or talking about the situation.
  • You’re soothing yourself by blame-storming.
  • You’re using one of the ten best ways to win an argument…or — egads! — more than one.
                        author

Tammy Lenski

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps individuals, pairs, teams, and audiences navigate disagreement better, address friction, and build alignment. Her current work centers on creating the conditions for robust collaboration and sound decisions while fostering resilient personal and professional relationships. Her conflict resolution podcast and blog, Disagree Better, are available at https://tammylenski.com/archives/… MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

Mediation in the Year 2051!

Although inconceivable just a few years ago, mediation software that promises to monopolize the interpersonal conflict resolution market is now imminent. Tomorrow, the Artificial IntuitionTM Corporation (commonly known as AInc.)...

By Luis Miguel Diaz
Category

Measuring Success in Mediation: An Outline

“Mediation is an empirical process, a science and art not fully understood by even the most masterful of its practitioners.” (Creo, 2012) Summary The purpose of this article is to...

By Georg Stratemeyer
Category

Negotiating Among Workplace Dictators

“You wouldn’t negotiate with Hitler, would you?” was Michelle’s response to my invitation to help her address some long brewing workplace disagreements with her supervisor, Kaylie. Michelle was equating her...

By Christopher Sheesley

Find a Mediator

X
X
X