How Do Mediators Get Better?

The answer to ‘How do mediators get better?’ is experience. But I fear that that is too simple an answer. I think that the answer is both quite simple on the one hand, while at the same time I believe that the answer is in fact quite multifaceted. 

But like every mediator before me, mediators begin their journey, and get better as mediators by actually mediating case-by-case, issue by issue, and lesson by lesson. And over time we begin to grow as we gain the experience needed to be able to look at the world of ADR with wonder, amazement, and perhaps even a little fear. 

The more kinds of issues, different yet similar situations, uniquely individual scenarios, and interesting experiences a mediator sees and deals with, the more a mediator begins to become comfortable in their role as a neutral over time.

In actuality I would also say that a good mediator is created by more than just their mediation experience. In my time as a primary mediation trainer, along with my fourteen years of experience as a mediator, I am inclined to say that a good mediator is also very well-rounded,  introspective, with very good listening skills who is not afraid to admit when they are wrong. 

I would also say that a good mediator also has the ability and insight to draw upon their own life and professional experiences in order to be able to see outside the box as needed, while always being able to adapt and be instinctively flexible. 

A good mediator also has to be open to seeking out good old-fashioned and ongoing multi-faceted ADR related training to be aware of and in tune with up-to-date ideas and perspectives on the ever-evolving human condition.

A good mediator must also have appropriate legal and subject matter knowledge based upon the areas of law and ADR they practice, in conjunction with a deep capacity for emotional intelligence, empathetic listening, practical instinctive communication skills (both verbal and non-verbal), along with well-developed and practiced negotiation skills. 

At the end of the day, every single time a mediator acts as the Guardian of the Process and sits in the mediator’s chair with new parties, they simply get better and better many different and multi-faceted ways. 

And to be clear, mediation experience isn’t just serving as the mediator per se. A mediator can also gain experience by finding a good, experienced mentor, and by observing, assisting with and supporting their mentor’s mediations, followed by training on the points observed in real-time during each and every mediation session the less experienced mediator is fortunate to sit in on. 

At the end of the current day in which I am writing this article, I would say that what makes a good mediator is first and foremost the actual experience of serving as a mediator and learning on the job case-by-case, followed by the life experience and skills a mediator brings with them, always supported by constant learning, ongoing mediation related training, and followed by the mentorship of a more experienced mediator who is themselves, still learning. 

Interestingly, there are some states in the US for instance that don’t require additional ongoing recertification for mediators once they become certified as mediators. With respect, I don’t agree with this, and wholeheartedly believe it is short sighted and a mistake. 

The world around us is constantly changing, as are people, issues, and circumstance. Things change. Life is change. And mediation is more Art than science, and is also about inherent and instinctual flexibility, and it is always case-by-case. 

There are always going to be different perspectives needing to be considered in mediation, just as there are always different and ongoing ways to look at things. The mediator who believes they know everything they need to know is setting themselves up for future failure and not serving the parties they serve well. 

If you want to be a good mediator, you need experience, accompanied by an open mind, while always being willing and thirsty to learn new things. I am always striving to learn something new with each and every mediation, and hopefully being able to then recognize what I know from a slightly different perspective, as each and every case is as unique as they are sometimes similar. 

The more versatile I am as an experienced mediator, the more dynamic I can be able to help and better serve the parties in mediation, who cannot see the rational forest for the rampant emotional trees all around them.

I love mediating, am passionate about my calling, and my soul is fed every single time I help to make a difference in people’s lives. Mediators are superheroes. I am a superhero. And you can be a superhero as well, once you embrace flexibility, learn to be subjectively neutral with all parties, let yourself authentically to listen to each party both actively and empathically, and always strive to become a better mediator. And when you are able to take great comfort in the difference you can make in not only other people’s lives, but in your own as well in your service to others as a mediator, you may even find greater happiness within not only yourself, but at home as well as in your personal life.

So continue to go out and mediate. If you are a newer mediator, observe more seasoned mediators. Keep training. It’s good for you and is never a waste of time. 

It is important that mediators are the best mediators we possibly can be, if we are going to make a difference as we positively impact our communities, and hopefully in turn, make the world a better place one mediation at a time. 

So how do we become better mediators? Experience, ongoing mentorship, having an open mind,  ongoing training, constant learning, flexibility, and perhaps above all else, by making mistakes.

And remember that mediation is also about perspective, so there really are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. When you in unfamiliar territory and step in it during mediation, and step in it you will my friends; that is when you are growing!

So go out and mediate, get more experience, keep training, enjoy what you do, keep on being a hero and make a difference.

Learn more at ADR Masterclass and The Mediation Center of Central Florida. 

                       

Tye Bourdony

Upon graduating from the Barry University School of Law in Orlando FL, Tye Bourdony was fortunate enough to work as the staff family mediator for Florida’s Ninth Judicial Circuit at the Osceola County Courthouse Dispute Resolution department from August of 2010 through April of 2017. While on staff at the… MORE >