Search Mediators Near You:

Run Toward Fear

From the Real Divorce Mediation Blog of Nancy Hudgins and Debra Synovec

People in the midst of divorce are often extremely overcome with fear caused by the overwhelming change in their life. Pressure from fear of the unknown, triggered by questions such as: “How will the divorce affect the children?” “How will I survive financially?” “What will people think?” “Where will I live?”, coupled by anger and raw emotions, drives people to run away, looking for a place to “solve” the questions and expunge the fear. In their flight, divorcing clients regularly run to attorneys, hoping to be saved by the courts, only to find out that the situation then spirals even more out of their control, magnifying the fears, stress and trauma.

Running toward the source of the fear may be a better solution. While reading The World Behind the World, by Michael Meade, I was reminded of an old African story told to me by a guide when I was in Kenya several years ago, called “The Lion’s Roar”. The guide’s narrative was much more colorful, but the basic story is: Older lions, although not nearly as strong as the younger lions, have an enormously loud and ferocious roar. Out on a hunt, the older lions strategically wait for the prey in the grass away from the younger, powerful lions. Even though toothless …the older lion’s enormously loud and ferocious roar sends the prey running away scared, right into the pounce…and teeth…of the younger lions. The moral of the story is that instead of following our first instinct to run away from the roar of the fear, it is better to face our fear head on.

Facing and even embracing the fear can help clients take control and navigate the situation. As Michael Meade points out, when we do not face our fears terror is given the space to grow. Mediation is a process that helps people face their fears and navigate the unknown, one step at a time. Step by step ambiguities are cleared up, solved and even transformed…and fear is released.

Please let us know your thoughts.

                        author

Debra Synovec

Debra Synovec, a Seattle-based mediator and lawyer, has mediated divorces for 20 years. She believes in empowering the parties to reach their own resolution. MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

Max Schrems strikes again! Where next for Mediation Service Providers and their mediators?

This blog discusses the case known as Schrems II and provides practical advice to ADR Service Providers (ASPs) and ADR Neutrals about how to manage the fall-out. Judgment was handed...

By Tony Guise
Category

Singapore Convention on Mediated Settlement Agreements Comes Into Force

Tomorrow marks an important day for dispute resolution users as the Singapore Mediation Convention comes into force, just over a year after its signing ceremony on 7 August 2019. The...

By Gitta Satryani, Priya Aswani, Tomas Furlong
Category

A Tale of Two Slabs

Preface Two owners were each trying to resolve separate disputes over the most fundamental structural component in a building, its slab on ground. For one it was the worst of...

By Gary Morgerman

Find a Mediator