The Creative Solution Table of Contents
Summary:
This chapter recounts Chip’s experience at an ACR conference where John Paul Lederach’s keynote address on global peace-building profoundly impacted him. Rose contrasts Lederach’s inspiring message with his own upcoming workshop on mediating financial disputes in divorces. He ultimately finds a powerful connection between the principles of global peace-building and the domestic application of mediation skills, emphasizing the importance of personal responsibility and relational mutuality in conflict resolution. Rose highlights the significant power dynamics inherent in mediation, particularly the contrast between mediating international disputes and mediating interpersonal conflicts like divorce. The piece concludes with Rose sharing his insights and the positive reception of his workshop participants to the interconnectedness of these principles.
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The ACR Conference in Sacramento afforded me a rare opportunity to present, network and learn without having to travel across the country. The three hour drive from my home on the Pacific Coast to the central valley locale of our state capital was familiar enough to give the trip a local feel. As it turned out, having a chance to hear John Paul Lederach, the keynote speaker, was reward enough for the journey. As it turned out, his plenary address was scheduled right before a workshop I was presenting on mediating financial issues between the “Controlling and the Clueless”. My preoccupation with the opening of my workshop, which occupied my mind at the outset of his presentation, quickly yielded to the compelling vision of the speaker.
John Paul began his address with a rhetorical question. What are the essential components of successful peace building? Asked another way, he said: What is it, that if it is absent, precludes the ability to build peace? In the context of his pioneering work in conflict transformation around the globe, it resonated as a big question filling a big room, crowded with individuals committed to resolving conflict. His global question was then brought to earth in three particular cultural locales as he described the application of peace-building strategies that emanated from single individuals in disparate cultures as responses to the plague of violence. By choosing to share these stories, John Paul allowed us to see what his eyes had seen, through lenses of humility and respect, specific examples of individual courage in the face of political and economic violence. Within minutes of the commencement of his address, he had transformed a previously boisterous conference hall into a cathedral-like environment As we were transported by his words, first to east Africa, then to Central America and finally, to the steppes of Central Asia, I was elevated by his poetic imagery and the profundity of his international experiences. At the same time I was having a contrasting companion experience of feeling diminished by the mundane subject matter of the workshop I was supposed to present at the conclusion of his address. Dealing with the conflict between divorcing spouses over their household budgets and divisions of things seemed to grow more pedestrian by the minute.
As though I had taken the proverbial “one pill makes you smaller” from Looking Glass” fame, I continued to have this internal sinking sensation as the keynote reached its denouement. Struggling to deal with my need to transition from the intrinsic spiritual power of his presentation to the rapidly approaching introduction to my workshop, the focus and clarity of John Paul’s closing words drew me out of my own Lilliputian world and back to his global experience with peace-building. He ended by answering the rhetorical question with which he began the program. The critical elements, without which peace-building will fail, are Personal Responsibility and Relational Mutuality. The words immediately ended by sense of shrinking self. The phrases echoed principles which I have been sharing with clients for years as part of a constructive and effective framework for resolving conflict. Clients can embrace the responsibility each has for participation and outcome, or they can endure the consequences of defaulting that responsibility to someone else. So to is their ability to create the most mutually beneficial outcome dependent on their willingness and capacity to work together. Only a thorough collaborative development of the facts, of the differing perspectives, and of the options for resolution, in a safe environment, will enable each party to resolve to the most satisfying outcome that can be obtained under all the circumstances. Relational mutuality and personal responsibility are essential ingredients for the successful resolution of interpersonal relational conflict.
The impact of this connection between John Paul’s compelling presentation on conflict resolution on the global level and the application of the same principles to a divorcing couple on the domestic level brought another thought to mind. When a couple comes into the office of a mediator to seek help resolving the compelling and complex issues that close the door on their marriage and open them onto the next stage of their lives, the space they ask that professional to occupy with them is their whole world. The circumstances could hardly make them more vulnerable. Anyone who has facilitated disputes of groups or organizations knows that there is a direct inverse proportional ratio between the number of participants involved and the power the facilitator may feel he or she brings to the process. A mediator facilitating between two or more groups that represent diverse interests (e.g. cultural or religious) will only have as much power over the process as the different sides will yield. On the other hand, a mediator working in the intimacy of interpersonal negotiation, such as divorce, has enormous process power from the very outset. In part this results from the mediator being a stranger to the parties and the issues. In part this also results from the implicit or explicit consent the parties have given to the mediator to fashion the process.
I began my workshop by talking about the transition I was having to make and sharing my observation that there was a profound commonality between the role of the international peacemaker and the skills of those who mediate peace in the home setting. Far from feeling diminished, there was universal agreement from the participants that our ability to apply the lessons of John Paul’s global experiences, ennobled the domestic peace building work done locally in the intimate confines of our clients’ worlds.
The Creative Solution Table of Contents
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