The Essential (and often ignored) Ingredient for Conflict Resolution

You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck.
– Rumi

The answer to your conflicts does not lie in yet another conflict resolution skills workshop to add to all that you’ve taken before (skills training may be worthwhile but there comes a point when more is not better).

It does not lie in shinier, newer techniques than the ones you already have (no one wants to be “techniqued” anyway).

There is no single magic bullet that, if you can only discover it, will set you free (forgive the violent metaphor).

You don’t need to wander from workshop room to workshop room hunting for the perfect technique. What you seek is already with you. The diamond necklace is already around your neck.

Attitude is your diamond necklace. It is the foundation from which all the tools and techniques in your toolbox have the chance to be used poorly or used well.

I, an educator before I was a professional conflict resolver, am not making an argument against learning. I could not. I could not fathom resolving conflict without the desire to learn. But what you focus on learning matters.

Learn which attitudes limit and which expand options. Learn how to notice the attitude you’re carrying during your conflict conversations. Learn to shift your attitude and possibility opens up before you.

I work daily on this myself. I am given many chances to feel humbled yet again. I am grateful for the frequent reminders that I own such a diamond necklace; those reminders make me value the diamonds even more.

                       

Tammy Lenski

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps individuals, pairs, teams, and audiences navigate disagreement better, address friction, and build alignment. Her current work centers on creating the conditions for robust collaboration and sound decisions while fostering resilient personal and professional relationships. Her conflict resolution podcast and blog, Disagree Better, are available at https://tammylenski.com/archives/… MORE >