Search Mediators Near You:

Ethical Intelligence in Conflict Engagement

Disputing Blog by Karl Bayer, Victoria VanBuren, and Holly Hayes

I recently read the book Ethical Intelligence by Bruce Weinstein, PhD, also known as The Ethics Guy. The subtitle of the book is “Five Principles for Untangling Your Toughest Problems at Work and Beyond”.

In Chapter 10, titled “If I Am Not for Myself, Who Will Be? Ethical Intelligence with Yourself” Dr. Weinstein talks about “Five Rules of Engagement” for dealing with anger using ethical intelligence.

1. Stop. Don’t react right away. Take some time to assess what is going on.
2. Breathe deeply. Cooling down will make it easier to come up with a strategy that will succeed.
3. Look at the matter from another point of view. What are all of the possible explanations for why this is happening?
4. Ask, “What response is most likely to be effective?” It probably won’t involve blowing your stack.
5. Get help if need be. The problem may be too big to handle alone. Help can even be in the form of some feedback from another person.
The book is based on five overall principles of ethical intelligence:
1. Do No Harm
2. Make Things Better
3. Respect Others
4. Be Fair
5. Be Loving
To read more about Ethical Intelligence, see here.


Holly Hayes

Holly Hayes Bovio received a Masters in Health Administration (MHA) from Duke University and her undergraduate degree from Southern Methodist University. She holds a certificate in mediation from Texas State.  Holly brings a strong hospital operations background to healthcare mediations including a focus on clinical quality.  Holly managed her own consulting… MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Thoughts on Mediating Custody

As a mediator, I have been involved in thousands of custody cases with their many nuances. Frequently, the perspectives of the participants amount to little more than parents playing out...

By Jeffrey J. Beaton, Jessica Spear

The Art and Practice of Second-Guessing Negotiated Deals

June 3, 2014The recent exchange of "the last POW " American soldier in the Afghanistan War for five Guantanomo prisoners, reported to have been mediated by Quatar between the Taliban...

By Robert Benjamin

Three Surprising Leadership Skills

Consensus Building Approachby Larry SusskindMIT is looking ahead, trying to figure out what skills the next generation of scientists, engineers, applied social scientists, designers and managers will need.  After careful...

By Larry Susskind

Find a Mediator