By Michael Lang, Colin Bourne, Beibhinn Byrne and Nancy Radford
This article originally appeared in Issue 11 of Mediation Matters!, a journal of the University of Strathclyde Law School Mediation Clinic.
During a conference workshop about reflective practice and supervision, in a role-play demonstration involving a mediation between siblings who disagreed about their elderly parent’s care, the volunteer mediator interrupted the parties and asked to meet privately with each of them, explaining, “I sense that emotional tensions are escalating and I am concerned you won’t be able to think clearly and make good decisions.” This intervention occurred within the first 5-6 minutes of the role-play. The presenter, making use of this moment to demonstrate reflective practice methods and principles, asked the mediator a series of questions.
Presenter: As you were considering the decision to halt the mediation and separate the parties, what were you thinking?
Mediator: In mediation training we were taught that intense emotions can interfere with the parties’ ability to think logically, speak clearly and make effective decisions. I wanted to interrupt the escalation of emotion and meet separately with the parties, give them a chance to cool down, and help them focus on the problem they want to solve.
Presenter: What told you that in this situation the parties might be losing their ability to be thoughtful and constructive?
Mediator: The tone of their voices was rising, and they started gesturing at one another.
Presenter: What do you know about the parties?
Mediator: They are sister and brother. They are adults. They disagree strongly about what’s best for their parent.
Presenter: In your mediation training, did you learn about the idea of self-determination?
Mediator: Of course. We were taught to respect parties and their opportunity to make choices for themselves.
Presenter: Does self-determination apply to the mediation process as well? Should parties have a role in decisions about the shape of the process?
Mediator: I suppose so. That makes sense, though I usually think about self-determination with regard to the outcome.
Presenter: You’ve identified two beliefs, about emotions and about self-determination. Is it possible to apply them in this situation?
[The mediator sat thinking for about 2 minutes as the 20 other attendees and presenter waited for her response.]
Mediator (grinning): I think I know what I could do. I was worried that the mediation could quickly get out of hand, so I stopped the parties when they became emotional. But maybe it’s normal for them. Maybe this is how they always talk when they’re upset. I don’t know. So, I could just ask them.
What do you notice about the conversation between the presenter and mediator? For example:
Were you considering what advice to offer? Or perhaps you were thinking of how you would have handled the siblings?
Were you remembering when you received role-play feedback? Is this method familiar?
Were you aware that the presenter only used questions? Did you notice that the presenter never told the mediator how to act? Do you wonder why?
The conversation between the mediator and the presenter demonstrates the nature of and benefits from reflective practice. Donald Schön in The Reflective Practitioner (1983) defines reflective practice as “a dialogue of thinking and doing through which I become more skillful.” We learn by means of the interaction between critical self-reflection and our professional activities. We learn through and from practice. In our example, learning begins with the mediator’s decision to separate the parties. The presenter then guides the mediator through a process of reflection, using questions to encourage self-exploration. Through this exchange, the mediator answers the question: “How do I address my concern with the escalation of emotions while respecting the parties’ self-determination?” Crucially, the answer has emerged from self-discovery. Not advice from the presenter or the attendees.
You might wonder, what difference does it make if the answer is offered or if the mediator uncovers the answer for herself? If the answer is the same, what’s the point of the question-and-answer bit? Offering advice would be quicker and more direct.
The simple answer is that there is a difference between knowledge and learning. Knowledge is the instruction to be mindful of emotional tension because it might affect the parties’ ability to think and act effectively. Learning is the ability to apply knowledge: (1) to distinguish when emotional behavior is natural and normal and when it may be troublesome, and (2) to choose a strategy suited to the circumstances. Offering advice is imparting knowledge. The result of self-discovery is learning.
Experience—and our standards of practice—tell us that the best solutions to conflicts are those discovered by the parties. These solutions are more likely to reflect the parties’ needs, values, concerns, and aspirations. As a result, they [BB1] are more likely to be durable, more likely [BB2] to be honored and implemented. Offering advice may be gratifying in the short term—for the recipient as well as the proposer—but ownership [BB3] of the solution through self-discovery has even greater benefits.
We know from adult learning principles and from those who have studied reflective practice methods, that a deeper and long-lasting [BB4] type of learning occurs when the learner identifies a puzzling practice situation, struggles with the problem, and discovers a solution that is particular to the learner. Lessons gained from this process are relevant, responsive, practical, and durable.
What does this mean for us as conflict intervenors who want to improve the quality of our practices, who want to be resourceful and responsive, and who want to have a positive and meaningful effect on our clients? How to we implement Dewey’s instruction to “learn from reflecting on experience.”? What does it mean to reflect on our work?
First, we don’t merely reflect on our experience, as if we were gazing in a mirror or merely replaying events as if watching a movie version of the engagement. Thinking about practice moments or reviewing those moments with colleagues has undeniable value. “Reflective practice is more than a self-awareness process in which we pause and think back after something has happened” (Zalipour 2015, 1). We are not objective observers of those events; we are contributors to them. We are participants with an active role—influencing and being influenced by what occurs. Research on cognitive processing and expertise confirms that reflection may be an excellent method to help mediators be more purposeful in their work and maintain a good link between their intentions and practice. Therefore, if we want to become more skillful, we need to engage actively, critically, and purposefully in a determined effort to learn from our experiences.
Second, as you observed in the conversation between the mediator and presenter, learning rather than the accumulation of knowledge is the goal, and the pathway to excellence in practice. “The key to reflection is learning how to take perspective on one’s own actions and experience—in other words, to examine that experience rather than just living it” (Amulya 2011, 1). It’s certainly possible to engage in this level of critical self-reflection and some of us have the requisite discipline and dedication. Some mediation programs use feedback forms and a few even provide opportunities for interactive feedback and mentoring. In our experience, these methods have limited value because they tend toward knowledge accumulation or clinical assessment and do not provide the sort of interactive learning demonstrated by the mediator and presenter.
Third, not all of us have the discipline and resolve required for sustained individual reflection, and solitary reflection may result in a circular process of self-referential introspection. Moreover, setting aside time for reflection is often in conflict with a busy professional schedule and personal activities. Joining a reflective practice learning group helps overcome our isolation and reinforces our commitment to engage in genuine learning. Research studies support the notion that the shared participation in group reflection provides a rich, enduring and unique means for learning from and through our practice experiences.
We are leaders of reflective practice groups (RPGs), with members from more than a dozen countries, who are mediators, arbitrators, conflict coaches and ombuds, with practices include [BB5] mediation of community, small claims, family, construction, workplace, organizational and commercial disputes, and who subscribe to evaluative, facilitative, narrative, insight, and transformative models. In other words, RPGs are supportive, helpful learning opportunities for any conflict practitioner.
An RPG is a structured learning group, guided by the principles of reflective practice. Members present and describe puzzling practice situations and making use of Reflective Debrief® (essentially the explorative and encouraging questioning and conversation between the mediator and presenter), facilitators along with group members help the presenter:
The principal objective is enhancing the quality and effectiveness of practitioner interventions by finding practical solutions to puzzling practice situations. By means of self-exploration, critical self-assessment and self-discovery we become more adept, resourceful, confident, and effective practitioners. This lifelong learning occurs when the learner identifies a surprising practice situation, struggles with the problem, and discovers a solution uniquely suited to that learner.
A central quality of RPGs is the emphasis on individualized learning based on [BB6] actual practice situations. In RPGs, practitioners grapple with real-life dilemmas, not simulations. They discover solutions to troubling incidents and practice dilemmas. Insights gained and lessons learned are practical, relevant, and responsive to the practitioner’s unique concerns. A notable feature of RPGs is that the “debrief” offers a level of personal attention unavailable in any other professional development activity. At the same time, every group member benefits by discovering knowledge and insights for themselves.
A key attribute of an RPG is that group members assist one another to investigate and reflect on their experiences even when self-examination may be unsettling and confusing. For example, group members help the presenter resist the unconscious urge to focus on the details of the story rather than the nature of and likely reason for the surprising incident. Many of us are more comfortable talking about what happened, telling a story about the intervention than reflecting on the experience and its impact on us as practitioners. Of course, to understand the practitioner’s dilemma, we need a context and some reference points, but we do not need to hear a recap of the entire intervention. Any recap, however conscientious, will be partial and consist only of things the practitioner noticed at the time. Group members can ask questions which may cause the practitioner to recall things he/she did not recognize as significant at the time, but, on reflection, provide insight as to how or why things took the surprising turn. Only the practitioner can see this because the group members weren’t there. Further, we may be tempted to turn to others for solutions. It can be unsettling to dig into the confounding circumstances of our dilemma and, to examine our experiences and explore answers. Asking for advice or recommendations is less complicated and demanding than engaging in self-examination. Group members may be tempted to ease the presenting person’s discomfort by offering advice. Nevertheless, the leader and group members hold tightly to the belief that the most useful, meaningful, relevant, and durable solutions are ones discovered by those facing the dilemma. RPG participants learn that self-exploration will yield results, that helpful questions will lead to self-discovery.
In our experience, few practitioners stop observe, wonder, and reflect. More often, they minimize, disregard or ignore situations when something surprising and unsettling occurs. Yet, these are exactly the moments rich with boundless possibilities for learning, for professional growth and evolution. To learn from experience, we must pay attention to moments of surprise, puzzlement and confusion. An ideal and effective means of reflecting on those puzzling experiences is through participation in an RPG.
We, and our colleagues at the Reflective Practice Institute International, currently facilitate 9 monthly reflective practice groups for mediators in 11 countries. Participants are mediators, arbitrators, conflict coaches and ombuds and work in the areas of education, commercial, civil, family, and community mediation disputes.
To learn more about RPGs or to register for one of the monthly groups (https://www.reflectivepracticeinstitute.com/groups) or to learn about our certificate course for RPG group leaders (https://www.reflectivepracticeinstitute.com/certificatecourses) or write to [email protected].
Michael Lang has mediated family, workplace and organizational disputes for over 40 years. In
addition to numerous published articles, Michael authored The Practitioners Guide to Reflective Practice in Conflict Resolution (2019), and a second edition in 2024, and co-authored The Making of a Mediator: Developing Artistry in Practice, (2000). With Susanne Terry, he founded and is co-director of The Reflective Practice Institute International. Michael received the John Haynes Distinguished Mediator Award from ACR in 2012 and was named Outstanding Professional Family Mediator for 2020 by the Academy of Professional Family Mediators.
Colin Bourne has been an accredited mediator since 2000 after many years’ practice at the Bar of England and Wales. As well as his commercial mediation practice, Colin leads training in mediation skills for officers and prisoners in UK prisons.
Beibhinn Byrne is an Irish, EU and internationally accredited mediator, a qualified Child Inclusive Mediator (UK FMA) with Trauma Awareness and Resistance Training. She practises in family, couples, community and multicultural, cross border conflict resolutions.
Nancy Radford is accredited in Civil & Commercial, Workplace & Employment, SEND, Community and Restorative Justice mediations. She has been lead mediator in countless mediations over the past ten years and provides conflict management training and coaching.
[BB1]“. As a result, they” delete full stop and consider
…., which strengthens the likelihood of them being honoured, implemented and lasting.
“durable” is repeated again at the end of next paragraph just picking up here on repetition as well as flow.
[BB2]repetitious – 3 x “more likely” see above suggestion.
[BB3]unnecessary repetition of dashes in same paragraph consider deleting them continuing sentence as it and deleting “but” & inserting however, ownership… or however, the ownership…
[BB4]suggestion – substitute indelible for “long-lasting”
[BB5]“with practices include” add that so it reads with practices that include ..
[BB6]replaced “of” with on
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